Ok...have a few more minutes to respond to your post here
When I ask you how you communicate your needs to her what I mean isn't necessarily the method (writing or verbal)...I mean more, do you sugar coat things? Do you, try not to hurt her feelings? Do you state things bluntly? Do you use euphamisms or analogies? I find that often we, the HD spouse, have a tendancy not to put things bluntly or clearly enough to the other person....sure, we say what we want but we tend to do it in such a way that it lacks the weight of real importance when our SO hears it. It's difficult for them to take us seriously if we are hesitant to really speak seriously about it....and sometimes that means we have to be really blunt, and sometimes say things that are hurtful to the other person (as long as those things are truthful).
I notice you say you are a touchy-feely person, this tells me that yor primary love language is probably PT (physical touch)....your W's probably isn't. For someone like you who is touchy feely you might be more likely to be more physical with your W out of desperation (trying to get her attention, you may not even realize you do this)....and that can unintentionally push her away because she will feel smothered....and/or feel like you are constantly rushing at her. I know you may not literally be "rushing" at her....but someone who feels smothered often feels like the other person is constantly coming at them...so their natural reaction is....to back up. Therefore if you keep coming at her...she will keep backing up, and you will continue to be horribly frustrated.
As to her visiting her MD every 3-mo, why don't you ask if you can go along sometime? That way, if she doesn't bring something up that's important...you can. If her Dr. doesn't have the full picture he/she can't help appropriately.
Now, your statement about being user transparent and picturing yourself using a rifle on yourself really concerns me Mr.Mom...that and the fact that you think she doesn't think YOU are good enough. Just out of curiosity, do you have self-esteem issues of your own (besides this current sitch in your M)? I notice you say you don't have colleagues and you don't get promotions. Would you say you are a strong personality, or more of a timid one? This could have a very large impact on your R with your W as well. I'm guessing (just guessing mind you) that you aren't a very confident person and that it's probably very difficult for you to stand up for yourself....would I be correct in that? If so, a lack of self-confidence or self-assuredness can be a big turnoff to women....good news though if this is you, you can fix this!
It does sound to me like you're going through what I and other's call an emotional flu, or as I'm fond of calling it...."dontgiveashititis". That's when you just kind of become numb to the other person, you're tired of trying, you really don't feel anything towards them one way or another...but you aren't attracted to them necessarily....and you don't crave their touch. For me and others on here this has been a temporary situation....BUT it's also been something I think many of us found necessary. We had to get to this place to finally get to where we needed to be in order for #1 our spouses to see they were losing us, and #2 to say what we needed to say without worrying about what the other person would say or do.
Ok...that's enough for now, what are your thoughts?
