Sorry about the bad day, and very sorry your P is talking out both sides of his mouth. But, there is not much you can do about it except treat yourself well. I think you are looking for a 2x4 here, but watch out because it may be a 4x6...
Now, ask yourself why you went into that stuff with him? And, be honest. My guess is a combination of 2 factors:
(1) You sought reassurance that he was not "with" OW and that he missed you desperately at the event. (2) You wanted to control him by startling him in some way that would change *him*.
As to (1), I see you can get as much reassurance as you want from this guy, he's willing to dispense it out to anyone who needs it apparently, including OW. Face it, you should not ASSume that you can rely on any reASSurance you are getting from this guy. How many more times are you going to step in front of the bus?
As to (2), the only person you can change is yourself. Quit trying to manipulate the situation so that it appears like you want it appear and take it at face value. Quit waiting for the world to morph into the one you want to see. Your SO has left you, he is involved with OW and doing things for her without regard or respect for you, he is experiencing pain through this transition. And, you know what? You are sugar coating the pain for him by being there and available in everyway for him. He feels no loss. He's preserved his option to buy while investigating other properties. Meanwhile, the owner of the life at issue — YOU — absorbs all the costs of his life choices.
It is time to envision a different world in which you are responsible for your own happiness and you are free from this unhealthy, unattractive enmeshment. QUIT waiting and MAKE the world morph into that world. Because, that world is within your grasp.
QUIT texting him. QUIT taking his phone calls. QUIT hanging out with him and soothing the little aches and pains that come with abandoning his P and family.
As for the sex, quit blaming HIM for your pain. He MOVED OUT. He made you NO PROMISES. YOU CHOSE to have sex for your own reasons, maybe based on what YOU WANTED to see rather than what is going on. You had consensual sex. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM HERE. IF YOU FEEL LIKE CRAP ABOUT THE SEX, TAKE OWNERSHIP OF THAT. Refuse to have sex again until YOU KNOW it will mean what you want it to mean. And, be very clear in your own head about what you want it to mean.
Why in the world do you choose to be treated like a stray dog begging for scraps and then wag your tail when you get one? When will you choose to be treated like an intelligent, compassionate, strong, funny, passionate woman who deserves to be treated with kindness and respect and set your boundaries for interaction consistent with what such a person deserves? I'd suggest NOW, because, you see, you are such a person.
You cannot break out of this self-destructive pattern until you choose to do so. Use your anger toward P to move the TV again, or paint a room. Remove evidence of him from your household. Make it YOUR home. Get on the internet and find FREE things to do with your children, there are PLENTY. Look in the weekend section, check with your library and local museums. Establish a visitation schedule so that P has to care for the children while you do other things. Go for a nice long walk tonight.
