Don't have much too say. Tuesday, I cleaned up all so's clothes in the bedroom, put them out of sight. I think it affected more than I realized as I was in a bad mood the whole day; with periodic tears.
He called for D7 that night and she had already gone to bed so I spoke with him. Knowing he was only calling for her and not expecting me, I had an attitude when I picked up. He kept asking me what was wrong and I ended up blurting out "Can't you see I'm trying to distance myself from you". Later on we were texting about the call - I told him I feel like he pressures me into saying things and then I end up saying things I don't mean and it upsets me.
Then he called around 12:30 AM after he got out work - still not sure why (perhaps in response to my "distancing" comment?).
In the morning I woke to a text that said "Sorry" from around 2 AM. He also emailed me about the upcoming day, him visiting, and if D7 could go to work with him the next day.
Found out his "sorry" text was because he said he was "sorry for making me miserable". I told him I wasn't miserable, he wasn't making me miserable, that I was sad, tired, hurt - but not miserable because of him.
He was teasing me about what we were going to do when he got here. I told him if he expected "that" (ML) he should stop. That we both should stop expecting it from each other. He told me he misses "it". (Thinking to myself, is that the only part of me you miss? Or will the rest of me & my body follow?). But, I'll take that comment as a positive and hopefully he WILL come to realize all that he is missing.
In the end, he brought me lunch; we talked a bit. I told him I had to take a nap, he joined me. Some things I noticed - it was more passionate than it's been in a while. Without explicit details, he was kissing me a lot more (something that seemed to be missing); and he was doing things that he knows "I" like. I noticed those things right away. Maybe I have turned into the "OW". Don't know if that's good or bad.
He also said/did something that referred back to something I had said about 2 weeks ago - so, I've learned that they ARE listening - whether we realize it or not. So, even though he didn't say anything about the bedroom being cleared of his stuff - I KNOW he noticed - I'm going to see when/if he comments on it.
He asked if could take D7 with him for the night so she could go to work with him. Said there is snow coming, and he predicted school would be closed (he was right). I said OK, the only mistake I may have made was asking "if it was only going to be the two of them". He said yes, who else would be there? I just looked at him and said "You know." He went to say something and I cut him off and said "I'm trusting you with this." Then changed the subject. I also complimented him on his hair. He seemed surprised at my compliment.
All in all, it seemed like a good day. Right up until he left, he kept saying how good the sex was. I'm training myself to try and NOT keep analyzing things. There may be a time in the future when stopping this may be the thing to do. For now, with everything being so new, I'm just winging things until I become more sure of myself; more focused.
I can already see big changes between our interactions, that's a positive. Being away from each other seems to be making a difference. Of course, no way of knowing how it will turn out, but, I'm starting to see much more improvement in myself and how I react/interact with him.
I hate to say it, but with him not around, I'm so much more relaxed & less bitchy when he IS here. The constant "second guessing" him; wondering if he's lying, and all that - well, now it's none of my business - I've been training myself to think that. It's made a big difference on my frame of mind. This (him moving out) may not be the optimum way things could have been handled, although I hope it's the right thing for us.
Taking it one day at a time! Focusing on the positives. I have so many questions, still, but I know that I may not get the answers; asking the questions is not always the way to go. I'm trying to let all that go. I try not to think of OW - except in the case of now she's the one wondering where he is when he's not where he's "supposed" to be; we've had a bit of a role reversal and I hope to capitalize on that. These thoughts help me deal. The only problem I foresee is asking D7 if anyone was there with them - I don't know what to do about this.
After today, I won't see him until maybe Sunday, but probably not until Monday. He's got a big thing at work Friday & Saturday and he won't be able to get here.
