While however slight it might be that you feel he is starting to contribute, he is trying. He can't become superdad overnight. However, if you continue to thank him and let him know how much you appreciate whatever it is that he is giving you may see that you get more out of him. Or not. Some men can never do it. They can't simply because they are still children themselves emotionally and they can't share their Ws attention. But if you give it time you'll see which way he leans with it.
I've been a single mom for 6yrs since my D. My exH comes around whenever it is convenient for him. He is starting to come around a bit more these days, perhaps either GF is pushing him, he's growing up finally at 46, or maybe it is because my SO is now gone from the house. Who knows? Who cares? If he takes even a few minutes I have learned to be appreciative of him. This all comes from a man who never changed one diaper, never fed one meal to our D. He was one of the few men that "couldn't do it." I remember one day our D had diarrea. I couldn't change the diapers or bathe her quick enough. The whole time he stood there watching me take care of her. Couldn't even hand me a diaper or wipe. When it was all done, I couldn't help but laugh. Who was this man?
On the bright side of things, look at it this way, your SO is actually learning and gaining an appreciation for all that you have done with the children through the years. That's worth a pot of gold. You're earning his respect right now. Raising children is not easy, we both know that. He also appears to be lightening up a bit because you are not pressuring him or not appearing to pressure him. Thus the comment "see we're getting along better already. Before all we used to do is fight and have sex. Now we don't fight anymore and we just have sex and it's good." I understand what you are saying about the gee thanks dude...but he doesn't see you as the enemy...that's a good thing isn't it?
He wasn't there before because he probably never felt he had to. Did you ever drop the rope and let him try? Sometimes as mothers, we're afraid to let go to let the men help because we don't feel that it will ever be good enough for the kids.
True you are not in an R with him right now. I've never considered having ML with my WAS. I figured as long as he wasn't willing to bathe in bleach I wasn't going there. It's a personal choice. Women do tend to become more emotionally entwined with ML then men do (it's the nature of the beast, what can we say?)...so it depends on where your head is at. If you can emotionally distance and have no expectations then, do whatever you feel is in your best interest and the best interest in the future or lack thereof the R.
