Yesterday....last night - they were rough. I woke up to a quiet, empty house. One thought keeps entering my mind...that is "How can SO believe that being a part-time father, every other weekend and alternating holidays - how can THAT be the more better option?
I'm stuck on that. I just can't get it out of my head. Was our R so bad that fleeing, seeing your kids part-time, giving it all up for the unknown - the UNKNOWN itself is the preferred choice?
We were together for 9 years. For a reason. It's the longest R either one of us has had. It's got to mean something.
I think what started me off is yesterday SO was changing the babies diaper (And, BTW - how ironic - he grabbed the dirty diaper and his fingers went right in the poop! LMAO!!) - anyway - he said that this was good for all of us. He was now being forced into being a father. He admitted that for too long he used me {as their mother}. He admitted that he would come home and just let me do all the parent stuff. He took advantage of me and never gave me a break. Now I could "go out" and have a break and he could be a dad. That bothered me.
I had to ask him Why? Why he wasn't that way when we were living together. No real answer, of course. Why didn't we commit to giving me a break from the kids and him spending more time with them? The he grabbed a board game and asked if it was OK to take it. That almost got me crying....he asked what was wrong. I just shook my head and said I don't understand. D7 & I would play games and you would never join in. And now you're going to do this with her.
So now they are all going to come here all smiles & happy because they had a good time together and it was fun. In reality , he left here at 4, drove for an hour. Fed them, put the 2 littles ones to bed, then watched Tom & Jerry with D7 and went to bed. Woke up this morning (calling me for instruction, BTW) makes them breakfast and is headed home. Wow. He really only spent a few hours with them, if you look at it harshly. They were either driving or sleeping the rest of the time. and that makes a father? That makes a BETTER father? That makes a better life? I fail to see it.
And where do I fit in? Yes, I needed breaks from the kids. Him & I needed breaks from them as well - to focus on us, spend time together as a couple instead of just as parents. Time that was never made. Everything else was always more important. His fans, his job, his car - no money, no sitter, blah, blah, blah. Of course the R suffered. If you don't water a plant - it dies. You don't put gas in the car - it dies. Fail to put time, love & energy in a R, it dies.
And yet, yesterday, while the kids were napping, we find time for a roll in the hay. Oh yes, once again - cultivating the sexual part of the R, but ignoring the rest. And he said some things about that as well that bothered me. His claim that he's not sleeping with anyone else right now - just me.
Thoughts that ran thru my mind but I didn't speak out loud: Oh OK, so for almost 2 years now you've been having an EA, as well a PA, and NOW, now that you've moved out for less than one week you're NOT sleeping with her anymore? Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. what difference does it make when you've given up on our R?
And then, "see we're getting along better already. Before all we used to do is fight and have sex. Now we don't fight anymore and we just have sex and it's good." Gee, thanks. Once again - if we get along so well in the bedroom, then why not extend it to all other areas of the R? Oh, and what about OW? The one you're "in love" with? The one you won't stop seeing, the one who's R is so much more important right? Aren't you CHEATING on her?
And what do I do with this? Stop sleeping with him? Turn myself into the OW? I mean, as Oldtimer put it - he's not my SO anymore. He's not in a committed R with me. He hasn't indicated he wants to work on things. Rather, keeps stating that he loves me but NILWM.
I wonder if my hangover has anything to do with this tirade.
