Quote: Ah, so you know about the PA. Well, then, why his sudden issues? I'd say that he promised OW not to cheat on HER, lol. That big guilt is coming from somewhere. Anyway, it is a possibility that YOU are starting to become the interesting one to him in all this mess as the one he is sneaking around with, lol. WTF knows.
Yeah, really. WTF knows. He doesn't! I had claimed to him in the past that I wasn't sure that we should continue this - indicated to him that it was beginning to bother me. Asked why, if he was so "in love" with OW was he still doing this with me and it was messing with my head. Maybe he's remembering this.
Once, last fall when I had snooped, I found he had sent an email to OW claiming "I haven't slept with anyone but YOU since"...whenever they started and he's always been faithful to her, blah, blah, blah. I almost choked on that one...especially since we never stopped - not sleeping in the same bed, not anything sexual...whatever.
I had continued our sexual relationship for a few reasons...even while knowing about his PA.....it seemed like it was the only "good" we were experiencing in our R. Now, it seems a little curious - anyway - I mean, if you think about it, we've been together (?) 9 years - and it's only gotten better for us in that area. I know people who have been together for less than 3 years and rarely sleep with each other and it's a problem for them.
I mean, if we can cultivate our sexual R, in fact - MAKE it good, why can't we MAKE the other parts of the R good? Sex could suck between us. I know what he doesn't like - he knows what I don't like. Yet we choose and know how to make it good, for each other, as well as ourselves. So why don't we (he) CHOOSE to make good all the other parts of our R?
Quote: Anyway, with respect to OW and the kids, just tell him that you are concerned about the kids and prefer not to have them introduced to OW until you can let them know together. Also, you might suggest that you check with a professional to see what the best way is to go about it. But, put the responsibility squarely on his shoulders. Because that is where it is. Ultimately, the kids will meet her when HE decides, no matter what he promises you. Here's a thought you might share with him. The kids should NOT be the path to the next level, he should be on that level before he brings the kids into this. Why? For two reasons. First, if he feels as though introducing OW to the kids is that high stakes, then he will lose freedom once he does so to really evaluate where he is and what he wants. He'll feel he has to stay with her (more or less) because he took things that far. Second, it will be difficult and confusing for the kids. They shouldn't have to put up with it UNTIL he is sure that he is invested in seeing it be a LTR or M.
I'd like to be able to say something like this to him....yet, he continuously denies "heavy" involvement with OW. Well, sometimes. Sometimes he doesn't. Confusing.
I'm also afraid that whatever I say will be taken negatively and that I'm his adversary.
I also don't want to "ASSIST" his R with her in any way....lol, let him make his own damned mistakes and screw things up on his own. He doesn't live here - he can't blame me anymore. Devious? Probably.
Quote: Baby girl, July 9. My first, his third. Both second marriages :-) I am so grateful for DBing because now I know what I want from an R and appreciate it so much more. It is a totally different second M than I would have had otherwise, I'm sure. It is what a healthy passionate supportive honest trusting M is supposed to be like.
I'm so happy for you! Ahhh...the 1st baby! Here's wishing you a happy, healthy, EASY delivery!! I have 3 little girls! Thank goodness each delivery was quicker & easier for me...well, the last one was a C-section; but the 1st 2 were so quick I didn't even have time for any pain meds. I was very lucky. Hope you are, too.
I really hope with DB'ing I can come out of this like you - whether with SO or some other lucky guy! I like learning this stuff. I don't ever plan on having a stagnant R again.
Quote: I will likely not be around much, I hope. I have a HUGE STRESSFUL PROJECT that I am procrastinating on, and it is so much more immediately rewarding to come here and help people... But, I have to buckle down and work like crazy.
Please - procrastinate for a little while longer! LOL - Really, we will miss you when you decide to focus on your work. I'm sure I can speak for a few others that would agree! Nonetheless, thanks for your advice, it really helped me pull my head out of my ass today!
