Lol, you are not the first to do so. I picked "oldtimer" because it was gender neutral and I am often vague in my posts intentionally for my own reasons. I am actually a very happy, very feminine woman in a wonderful new marriage with a new baby on the way :-)
LOL - I'm sorry I thought you were of the opposite persuasion! Congratulations on the baby - your first? When are you due?
Quote: I'm simply as direct with you and as hard on you as my DB friends were when I was in not so good a place. Once you start getting happier (YES, YOU WILL, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS), then the "cut the crap, quit coddling, be pretty freaking direct" modus operandi will likely become more familiar to you.
Actually, this has been going on for almost 2 years.** So it's not as though it's all "new" to me. I didn't find this site until September maybe, so I was slogging through until then. **This also answers your sex question - yes, there is a physical R between them ~ SO & I have actually discussed it in the past.
I really appreciate the DIRECT approach - and it may be why I have so many problems just letting SO lie and acting "as if". I would prefer the truth - no matter much it may hurt, because then I can deal with it accordingly.
I don't like being told untruth's, stories, or BS to spare my feelings. When someone lies to me, I feel like I'm not being given the opportunity to make up my own mind, make an informed decision. Like my responsibility is being taken away from me or something.
Quote: As for OW being so keen on meeting the kids and introducing them around (GAG), it may very well backfire on her. Anyone I've known that has really been serious about a LTR with someone with kids has been VERY worried about taking it slow, being sure about the R, etc... So, meeting the kids may have been an excuse for her to keep from getting more serious (probably unconsiously). And, if so, as the roadblocks disappear to them being together in "the perfect relationship" they would only have if only the world didn't conspire against them, the more they will have to deal with their R, rather than an overromanticized "us against the world" R, if that makes any sense.
Ya know - SO actually stated this to me at one point. One minute he was blaming my unwillingness to let OW meet the kids, then next had said he didn't want her to meet them because it would mean "they" had to move to the next level of their R. He IS all over the map. And, in truth, was one of the reasons why I had wanted him to move out. I just really wasn't ready for the reality of what 'moving out' would mean.
Quote: Also, don't be surprised if he does a lot of things that he didn't used to do, like wanting to hang with the kids. After all, aren't you also doing a lot of things differently. You are BOTH probably gritting your teeth saying, WTF couldn't SO do that before things reached this point???? Well, because, you were both stuck in an unproductive rut in your R that wasn't doing anyone any good. It took a big painful kick to get them unstuck, but now you both are growing in different ways. So, don't resent the growth. And, if you can detach and accept that things have come to this, your growth will be much deeper, richer, and faster because you aren't masking your pain with a fantasy world.
I actually think that the kids and I are a lot better prepared for this than he is. I mean, he hasn't really been around a whole hell of a lot since January of last year when his work schedule changed to mornings. WE are used to him not being here. It's not that much of a change for us. HE's the one that now has these changes thrust upon him - he's going home to an empty (literally) apartment. He's got to call the kids instead of seeing them; he's got to hear us laughing & horsing around when he calls; he's missing the home cooked meals and eating take out every night.
Intellectually, I knew all of this when I was asking him to move out. Emotionally though, it's still hard.
Like I said in a previous post, I've wanted change for a long time. I was just in the dark about how to go about it. Now, all of a sudden, things are coming to light - would've's; should've's; could've's. But I will not dwell on that - I have to strive for a better R with him in the future, whatever it may be. Regardless, we will be in each other's lives as long as we have children. There's no getting around that.
Quote: My 2 cents, I thought your new email sounded great.
