Lol, you are not the first to do so. I picked "oldtimer" because it was gender neutral and I am often vague in my posts intentionally for my own reasons. I am actually a very happy, very feminine woman in a wonderful new marriage with a new baby on the way :-) I'm simply as direct with you and as hard on you as my DB friends were when I was in not so good a place. Once you start getting happier (YES, YOU WILL, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS), then the "cut the crap, quit coddling, be pretty freaking direct" modus operandi will likely become more familiar to you.
Anyway, try to stop second guessing yourself. You aren't SUPPOSED to already know how to deal with this. How would you??? Look, SO is just as confused as you. Also, SO is likely all over the map same as you -- I'll just be here a week, I'm never going back, why did I ever leave, how could I have stayed, blah blah blah.
As for OW being so keen on meeting the kids and introducing them around (GAG), it may very well backfire on her. Anyone I've known that has really been serious about a LTR with someone with kids has been VERY worried about taking it slow, being sure about the R, etc... So, meeting the kids may have been an excuse for her to keep from getting more serious (probably unconsiously). And, if so, as the roadblocks disappear to them being together in "the perfect relationship" they would only have if only the world didn't conspire against them, the more they will have to deal with their R, rather than an overromanticized "us against the world" R, if that makes any sense.
Also, don't be surprised if he does a lot of things that he didn't used to do, like wanting to hang with the kids. After all, aren't you also doing a lot of things differently. You are BOTH probably gritting your teeth saying, WTF couldn't SO do that before things reached this point???? Well, because, you were both stuck in an unproductive rut in your R that wasn't doing anyone any good. It took a big painful kick to get them unstuck, but now you both are growing in different ways. So, don't resent the growth. And, if you can detach and accept that things have come to this, your growth will be much deeper, richer, and faster because you aren't masking your pain with a fantasy world.
My 2 cents, I thought your new email sounded great. (I agree with GH about the b*tch part. Why not be honest -- it was a shock, and I've reconsidered...)
