I guess you're right. He's not coming home. Not any time soon, probably never. His mind seems made up.
Ok, so OT strikes again.
I don't know if you have read any of her posts to me or some of the others here, but she's come to be one of my favorite people here. Her first post to me had the same effect.
What I wanted to say is that you are reading too much into what you were told. Nobody said he was never coming back and no matter how bad you feel about realizing that YOU were projecting your fears onto your kids/H, it doesn't mean that anything has changed. Your H is gone RIGHT NOW. Just because he wants to see his kids alone, at his place, does NOT mean he is never coming back. The two thing are completely unrelated. As far as his mind being made up, he doesn't know WHAT he wants right now, so in my opinion it would be just about impossible for his mind to be made up about anything, let alone the M. The hardest thing to do is to let go enough to allow ourselves the room to grow and move past the destructive, sometimes controlling behavior. It's what you need to do.
Also, you said you always thought H was the controlling one. Welcome to the club. I thought my W was too. Know why? Because I somehow equated somebody actually communicating what they wanted, and allowing me to do that as controlling. I always equated my silent suffering and subjugation as nobel somehow. I thought since I never asked for much, or demanded anything from her, that I could never be controlling. I was dead wrong. My version of control, and the type many of us suffer from here, is where I come up with my idea of how things should go for any given situation. When things deviate from my preconceived idea, I get upset and start behaving in a way to hopefully get what I want. Never did I just come out and say what that was, but God forbid if you, or the situation didn't live up to my expectations. That's what makes it so hard for me to let go and just let things play out. I had to learn to let go of my thoughts and just live in the moment. Maybe you need to do that too.
