OK - I don't think I've handled this very well. After an initial email telling him how upset I was because this was so sudden, he emailed me back with the following:

"Then I guess I cant see them this weekend, thanks for being difficult. This is the way it is, I told you this was just going to be me and them. "

and after I emailed him explaining I was upset and not trying to be difficult:

"Dont feel like a fool and PLEASE stop crying. You need a break from 24/7 time with the kids. I already told D7 daddy got a small place like a hotel closer to my work, and it will make things better for mommy and daddy not to fight. I think she will think its fun. we both agree that things have to be different if there will ever be a chance again in the future, and this is a big part of that change"

Here's what I've come up with in reply, please someone give me some pointers:


"SO, I'm sorry that I'm not handling this very well. I've never been in this position before. I have no idea what's right or what's wrong. I know you need time with the kids....that's important - it's what's MOST important right now and I understand it.

You haven't even been out of the house for more than 3 days. It probably seems like I'm trying to stop you from seeing your own kids, but that's not it at all. I don't want to f*ck them up. I want us to do everything we can to protect them from any emotional harm, please understand that. I'm sure you feel the same way. If you've told D7 things without my knowledge - please, try not to do that anymore. It's important that we do those kinds of things together - tell her together. I didn't know you told her anything - and it's got me a little upset. Please think of how you would feel if I told her things without your knowledge.

I'm sorry, again - for not knowing how to do this. It's all new to me. I want to be accommodating to you...I'm willing to compromise and do whatever it takes. I'm trying to keep an open mind and let myself be open to anything new.

Right now, we are on new ground, SO. Neither one of us has been here before, please don't close your mind to me or any suggestions I may have. Please. And please - give me YOUR suggestions or tell me what you're thinking.....it's so very important.

You have take a leap of faith here, SO. You have to start believing and trusting in me that I'm not out to get you or harm you or cause you any unnecessary pain. Because I'm not. Really and truly. Untrain yourself from keeping that stuff from me; be more open with me - please.

How about you take them Saturday for the day and bring them back that night? Go to Chuck E Cheese or something in XYZTown - D7's been dying to go there. And - it will make you look supergreat in her eyes!! Or take her to see the Pink Panther or some other movie. I don't think you're ready (or your apartment is ready!!!) for all three of them at once! Or, just take this weekend for yourself....get your place organized. I don't know.

I guess I'm still trying to get everything into perspective here, SO....You still haven't even taken all your clothes...you left your dirty socks here last night...

I have no idea what's going on in your mind. You have no idea what's going on in mine. I want to protect our kids until such time that WE can each respect each other and give each other the space we need to figure out what we each want. I don't want to rush into anything that we could end up regretting in the future. I think, and maybe I'm wrong, but I think things should be taken slowly right now.

We have to be able to agree to a relationship that works for both of us right now - Whether it's friends, co-parents, strangers - and build on that relationship with the honesty and trust of two people who know that each has chosen to be in that relationship (whatever it may be) with the other. Does that make any sense? "
Yes...the ending 2 paragraphs is paraphrased from OT's post on Grasshoppers thread....any advice here is welcomed. I haven't sent this email yet - I'm looking for pointers on how to handle this, reword things if necessary. I don't want to screw up anymore.

Thanks all.