Quote: I'm still trying to figure out detachment vs. going dark. Maybe if I had figured out "detachment" before, it wouldn't have come down to him moving out. My mistake.
I once lamented that we all seem to be in a race to see if we can learn to detach before D or S forces us to. That is what you figured out. When there is physical space it forces you to understand some of the finer points of detachment, but there is still a LOT of work to do to learn to not react to his junk and move on with your life apart from him. You sound like you are doing just fine with that laundry list of things you want to accomplish. Keep that up and as for the LRT being more of the same, I think many parts of DB/DR are more of the same from all of us. For me, the GAL part is more of the same because I have been absent for much of our marriage so it's really hard for me to GAL without pouring salt in that wound. For you, I think it's important to keep the lines of communication open and understand that detachment DOES NOT MEAN distancing. It means you don't alter your thoughts/mood/emotions because of his words/actions/emotions. You can talk to him when he calls, express your feelings, etc, just don't get angry when he says stupid. hurtful things. Don't get over excited when he seems to be having a change of heart. Just "be" and let him "be" for awhile without the emotional link that tends to drag you into his disjointed, confused world. Your to-do list is a great start, now continue and realize that a stronger, more self focused you will make a happier you, and a better person for him should he ever decide to really take a look at what he is losing.
