Well, today started off with an email from SO apologizing for calling me in the middle of the night. He called around 1 AM (I think - not sure, I was drowsy and fell right back to sleep after the call)...anyway he called to tell me that he wanted me to know he was "alone". So I wouldn't think he was with anyone. WTH? I'm not sure what else he said, I really can't remember, I just recall saying OK, Ok, OK, have a good night kind of thing.

He sent an email this morning apologizing for calling, stating he was "once again only thinking of myself {when he made the call}." Said he would be here today around 3:45 or so. I responded with "It's OK, you didn't bother me. What do you mean you were only thinking of yourself?" He didn't answer that part of the email, but said sent another email with "anyway, I got some stuff moved in yesterday, need a chair and couch, may have to buy some cheap ones, as I will give you the 3 items we bought together 3 years ago, if you can get them clean and if it comes to that...who knows. I am treating this situation as a hotel close to my work for now, maybe its the wrong thing, or maybe its the right thing, I guess time will tell, I know you dont want to hear about it, but I feel I need to keep you in the loop."

I answered with "There's a couch downstairs! 2 of them, as a matter of fact. As for anything else, I don't really know what to say or what to think right now. Or how to look at things. Thanks for telling me what you're thinking - it helps. I'd prefer that I go to the store later...there's some things I need to get. You need to spend the time with the little girls anyway. Even though they can't say it, they love you just as much as D7 does."

He agreed to stay home with the little ones later on so I could go out.

Today, I'm getting organized!! My house is a wreck from me being gone and no one cleaning it. I really hated coming home to a messy house. It made me a little angry, but I guess it's a good thing in a strange kind of way - it gives me something to do and take my mind off things!!!

I've got some calls to make, re: daycare; kids doctor appts; my doctor appt, etc; when I go out later I'll pick up some job applications at a few of the stores in town.

I guess I need to focus and set some goals. I re-read some parts of DR last night and my take is now that he is out of the house, I need to just give him the space....space to miss me, the kids, our life.....I have to focus on me, the girls, my GAL.

I'm still trying to figure out detachment vs. going dark. Maybe if I had figured out "detachment" before, it wouldn't have come down to him moving out. My mistake.

I'm also concerned because my "more of the same" behaviors include not talking to him {he used to always say I never talked enough} - it seems that everything advised in DR in the last resort is everything I had been doing during our R. So, more of the same? That confuses me. But I guess I have to let him go until (if) he wants to come back. Then take it from there. Until then, all I can really do is control my reactions, be more open & friendly. I also don't know how "happy" to act. If I act "too" happy - I know he's going to say "See, you're better off without me around." Catch 22.

That's all for now. Any help deciphering all this is truly welcomed!

PS - I put in my email response verbatim, hoping someone can critique it - let me know what I said that may have been wrong - what I should have said, etc. Thanks!