I'm a little annoyed this morning. SO had to work last night and appeared around 1 AM - scaring the crap out of me. He NEVER, ever comes home on the nights he works the bars. After my initial scare at someone standing in the doorway, I was still half asleep and asked why he was home. He said "He didn't feel like staying anywhere else."
This just seemed incredibly odd to me. He got into bed and tried to go to sleep but kept coughing really bad. We both ended up getting out of bed - he got some water and I told where the cough drops were. It was about 2:30 by now and he has to get up at 4 to leave for work...I decided to sleep on the couch because he was still coughing and I didn't want to disturb him any more by tossing & turning in bed.
This morning I'm still wondering why he came here, and with that I snooped in his email and it seems as though he is pursuing OW who doesn't seem to want to have anything much to do with him right now...or is playing the hard to get game - one or the other, I really don't know. This just has me disgusted. It really pointed out to me just how pathetic it is to chase after someone who isn't into you. I know I shouldn't have snooped, but it gives me a little more clarification on what is up. And in a way, like I said, seeing this "pursuit", gives me the perspective that it is really NOT the thing to do.
It's also reminded me, once again, that "we" have no chance until this A is out of his system. I don't want him by default. That is my fear above all else. I don't want him here if he doesn't choose to be with me willingly. All it will do is fuel his resentment of me even more. He's got the choice of moving out, but is too afraid (?) of taking that step. Right now, his mind is all about the OW, yet he keeps me here on the side. That fuels MY resentment. It's a big vicious circle.
