First let me say, I sense a lighter, less stressed Heather in your postings.
He's been so great the last few weeks. I want to do something a little special to keep the positive energy going, nothing over the top. Any ideas?
I'll post a link here to a "Recreational Enjoyment Inventory". If H is willing to look it over and fill it out. Compare yours to his and pick one on his list that's not on yours. Tell him that you wanted to celebrate the positive steps that you feel with him. Maybe he's not into the "Inventory", what about looking thru the 5LL? An "Act of Service" maybe or a "Gift" that he would appreciate or "Quality Time" where the focus is on him?
I am happy for you Heather. Your story, COG's story, PARob and other's encourage me to go in for "just one more round".
I was thinking of was more that "vaulnerability" you are talking about when you did what you did. Those are the feelings I was talking about sticking around.
Yeah, you're probably right. All the things that lead up to an A don't just disappear after it's revealed. No, it just goes from bad to worse.
As for the dinner, yea, I thought that was a bit of BS on his part and I think you displayed a TON virtue in how you handled that.
Thanks! That's a big compliment because these are the types of heat of the moment exchanges between H and I that I usually walk away from feeling super guilty because I didn't do everything right. Anything right.
You are a great woman who is trying to do the right thing. I admire you greatly for that. Never be willing to be controlled. You don't need to control someone to have them be faithful to them.
Thank you.
First let me say, I sense a lighter, less stressed Heather in your postings.
Definitely. None of us are wired to be living in the kind of environment that was taking place in my home. I am sooooooooo relieved to be getting along better, it's bound to shine through.
Maybe he's not into the "Inventory", what about looking thru the 5LL? An "Act of Service" maybe or a "Gift" that he would appreciate or "Quality Time" where the focus is on him?
The 5 LL probably is a good place to start. I've been unable to figure out H's LL, so maybe that's the quiz I should actually have him take if he will. Great idea. Then I'll figure something out based on that.
I am happy for you Heather. Your story, COG's story, PARob and other's encourage me to go in for "just one more round".
Wow, my story....inspiring? Sheesh, who'da thunk? Seriously, things that are important to you are almost always worth one more round.
I have started a thread over in the SSM forum. I'll probably be updating there at least for a little while. I don't know if I will return to this forum or not. Hope to see you on my thread over there! Here's a link
The 5 LL probably is a good place to start. I've been unable to figure out H's LL, so maybe that's the quiz I should actually have him take if he will. Great idea. Then I'll figure something out based on that.
Yes. He knows that you havent, and so do I. Hence his finding it comical that you spend so much time reading asnd studying R's. I hope you can get him to take it. I wouldnt doubt that he will dissemble, or even tell you what they are but then not allow you to do them.
Yes its .
PT/ intimacy/ kissing is going to be a big LL for him. Hence the reason why he is preventing you from filling it.
My suggestion to you in the previous post was based on WOA. They cannot be phony or overdone though. You have to truly believe them. This is someting that he cannot prevent you from doing, all he can do is just pretend to ignore, or grumble about. If he says something attacking about the past, that IHO proves you dont mean what you are saying, Just acknowledge it and reaffirm that you see his positive attribute now. The attack is a defense mechanism. Understand? If you attack back it will negate your original attempt.
Picking at him will raise his defenses and not allow anything you do to make him feel good about you. I think he will in fact start making efforts, after you show him that you 'get it', because IMO he does care for you. I see several glaringly obvious things that to me say he really cares about you. I also see several glaringly obvious things he needs to work on.
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because IMO he does care for you.