ok about your H's drinking. This is not about whether he has a problem with it or not. The following, is about how he feels because of your reactions to it.
You have said where it was in the beginning, and the times that he chose to modify and reduce it. question. What will be good enough for you? Because from his perspective it doesnt matter what he does it will never be good enough. He even switched to Odouls and instead of getting any sort of positive reinforcement for progress, and he HAS made a ton of it since the beginning, you HATE that too. Have you ever said to him, 'I was so impressed when you cut down your drinking when S was born'? Or 'Wow, you cut down your drinking when we split/were close to Ding. I thought you would drink even more. Your strength surprised me'.
praise him for what he has accomplished. Let him know you see the progress. 'H i just realized, you only drink 2 days a week, now. I remember how much it was when we were first together. Wow. You really changed alot for us havent you. Thank you' give him a quick hug. drop it. move on.
Your H will make changes to hiself -when he is ready- but he will be much more inclined to do so when he FEELS that it will be appreciated. The constant drip drip drip of your disapproval and nagging will not encourage him to do so. No in fact it will just prompt him to continue doing whatever it is, just to spite you and prove he is a man who makes his own decisions. This is not specifically intentional. Its just a subconcious reaction.
At first when you said sarcasticly 'I should get him his beer' I was like nooooo that would just be enabling. but then I got to thinking about it. I wonder what effect it would have on him. It would shake him up. It would shake up his habitual pattern that he has of outside-bathroom-tv. That is a physical part of the habit.
For example 'NO NO H let ME get that beer for you' with humor, not sarcasm. shake things up. mess up his pattern.
another thing. do you grouse to yor gf's about this, or do you praise him to them? Do you say negative things to them, when he can hear you, to try to effect some change?
Your doing good, things are moving along. I like that you are talking about the future together. Dont worry about the kissing. it will come. He is holding it over your head, because it hurt him so badly.
