I don't know if you have been following my situation long enough to know how H responded when I tried to sleep in my own bed quite some time ago. It turned into a very abusive situation, it is one of my worst memories. For H to tell me the other night that the 'bed thing' is not a 'big deal'.......THAT is a huge deal. It is a huge positive step in our R. To me, it is a sign of some major healing that has taken place within H.
Lol, no, remember, I was the one who thought you were a LBS. So, I am REALLY glad to hear how positive that is for you. I am also glad to see H is getting somewhere in all this. I think you and I have some similar fears even though we are on opposite sides of the proverbial fence. I fear that my W will not grow through this and I will not accept the person she WAS in our OLD M if that's how she chooses to try to be in our new M if we ever get there. I think you are just getting to the point where you can step back and really evaluate EVERYTHING without the constant fog of the A and it's aftermath. It's a good thing and maybe you are seeing things you like a lot, and some you don't. I think you are doing well to embrace the positive right now.
I think you are a STRONG woman and I would never downplay the issues you feel are going on with your H or M that made you feel controlled. Those are real, and I understand you never wanting to go back to that. In some way I really feel for you because I have been controlling in my own way with my W and it really presents problems now that I have a valid REASON (in my mind anyway) to mistrust her and question everything she does. The good news is that those feelings are controllable and if I can control them, anyone can I think. Subtle control and manipulation of a situation was almost like a religion to me but I think I am well on my way to giving it up in favor of letting things play out. It's much more real that way and filled with much less disappointment. Funny, I would NEVER have thought that possible 3 months ago.
Like I said, please value your H's positive moves and do it from the position of strength you naturally have. As he gets stronger and more healed, your strength will be a complement to his, not a detriment to it. I think that's how it's supposed to be in a good relationship, but what do we know, neither of us have probably been in one before...lol.
