I am not quoting the right post, but you said that some of your "friends" here are probably confused and not too sure what advice to give you right now.
Well, I may or may not be a friend to you here, but I am not confused. I just keep seeing the same thing in a lot of what you post. You, like me and many others here like to play the "but" game. I love when NYS told me that everything before a "but" in a sentence should be ignored because usually what comes after it is invalidates it and is closer to the truth (my phrasing, not his exact quote...he hates incorrect quotes). You like to say things like "My H has done ok with the bedtime thing BUT he plays that stupid game with S5 and it really bothers me." Please, that was not an attempt at a quote, just something to illustrate the type of thought process I see from you and many of us here. To me it represents a need we have to be right all the time. It is us holding on to that and not being willing to let go and really live in the moment, accepting whatever happens and NOT trying to control it, OR be right. The hardest part for me is that most of the time I am right...lol. Sound familiar? "Ok, fine, H wants to stay up with S5, I get that BUT I know it's the wrong thing to do..." What we need to realize is that in a world of only 2 people (in a M, it really is that sometimes) and where there are only 2 points of view, not so much right and wrong (so long as nobody gets hurt) US being right is subjective. Sure, in the real world, populated by priests, psychologists, friends, family, etc, there is right and wrong and tons of ways to tell one from the other. In our world, YOUR world, there is only his perspective and yours and both of you have very distorted perspectives because of what's going on so it makes it even harder to come to the same places in conversations or life in general.
The only advice I have is that you truly need to give in to this process and just "go". Become more self aware. Become less judgmental (my weakness). Become the woman you really believe you are, not that woman your actions keep defining. Until you do that for you, your H will probably not be able to see it in you. How can he see something that's not there.
I think you can do this thing. Like you've been told, it's not really strength (thanks for that, never really thought about it like that) it's more about checking yourself against the values and ideals YOU decide you want to define you and dismissing the garbage from the past.
I will continue to follow you. I have faith in you.
