Thanks Corri, I know, I know you can lead a horse to water.... Please don't give up on me. I do want my M to work. I am going to filter my actions toward H through 'treat him as you want to be treated'. That alone could take us miles from where we are. You said it doesn't take strength to save a M, but an awareness of yourself and your actions. I believe that. Journaling here has helped give me awareness because I write more often than I would otherwise. But I still don't have enough self-awareness. Like most women, my day is so full and self-reflection does take energy. I don't think I've given it the time it deserves. I am very under the weather, but when I feel better, I do want to come out of gates running. I do. Back in October, things were going better for H and I. I think it was partly because we were talking about the future, we were talking about a house, etc. Talking about our future together . But I received a lot of caution from everyone about jumping into a new house with H when our M is in such a state. And then a conversation with H happened where he said he did not intend to kiss me ever again. And a lot of our progress went out the window, not all but a lot of it. We had a great X-mas. In February some things happened that finished off the job of tearing down our progress. I had a business dinner that H disapproved of and we had an incident about a trip to the toy store. Done. We spent over a week with him refusing to speak to me. Only now are we becoming civil again. So, be patient. Be nice. Don't take things personally. Develop an awareness of myself and my actions. Don't trade my own respect in my reactions to H. No sweat right?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
