Learning to Trust Myself VI

[heatherg]

S's bedtime issue is not about the game H has an interest in).

The issues are so close entwined. Part of H's extreme behavior is staying up so late, not being able to stop. When he used to role play......can I just say they used to literally stay up all night? It's not a good habit, it's not a good environment and you can spot these people a mile away. They have an air about them that's all I can say.
The issue of S5's bedtime is separate for the most part. I can just see the relationship that H is trying to develop with his son and I read a post he wrote which confirmed it. Like a father looks forward to playing baseball with his son one day, H looks forward to gaming with S5. If it could be done within reason and during daylight hours and not taken to an extreme, I would be fine with it. But asking an extremist not to take something to an extreme is kind of funny. Would you stay up until 6am playing baseball? Probably not. That's the difference. It's more than a game.

And here comes something else that I need to admit: I'm jealous. Not OF my son. Of the relationship they have. H has all the patience and love in the world for our kids, S5 in particular. And yet he is so cold to me. I see S5 and H play together and have fun together and that is something that H and I cannot do. H has the R with his son that I want to have with my H. It's all I've ever wanted and I guess I didn't think H was capable. Until we had S5. And now I see that he is capable, just not with me. I hope I've made it clear that I wouldn't change a thing for my son. And I'd also like to make it clear that I don't think my envy has anything to do with how I handle bedtime or our other issues. The fact is just there and it hurts like hell to see it every day and know that H has that much love to give. But not to me.