I posted earlier about my kid's bed time routines when you first brought this up. I TOTALLY understand and agree with you guys making an agreement about bed time. It has to be frustrating to see this kind of thing go on. If it were me, the only thing I think I would do differently is to not put so much emphasis on the actual time he goes to bed, thus avoiding that trigger for you, and more emphasis on WHAT happens at bed time. I know you have had issues with that too, but maybe being more flexible with H on the time issue, especially when it comes to playing this game, another trigger for you, would let your H see that you are willing to give on some aspects of this if he does on others. If you give a bit on the hard bed time, maybe he will give a bit on the enforcement of "it's bed time now S5, you need to go to sleep" part. I know right now it seems like your H is just trying to find different ways to stick it to you. Maybe he is, but there is still more you can do without sacrificing your self respect or values. Reading your account of that exchange, and I realize that a lot was lost in translation, there does seem to be a sliver of truth to the idea that you place value on being right. Of course, you WERE right, but sometimes it doesn't pay to try and force someone to see that. It makes things more complicated that you are right about a parenting issue and not just some arbitrary debate you and H are having but it doesn't diminish the fact that your H resents being called out like that. I found when I took a hard look at myself after my W dropped the bombs, I was CONSTANTLY trying to get her to see I was right. Really, one of the first times I DIDN'T do that was during the actual bomb dropping. For the first time I just listened and did not try to prove my point that things could be fixed and there was plenty of reasons to stay in the M for her. I figured out pretty quickly that even though I may have been right, what I thought was not right for HER. Even now, as I am aware of my propensity to always want to be right, I find myself falling to the same old trap of thinking "Yea, but I AM right!" I finally figured out that in most cases, there is no right or wrong. Right and wrong are what we make them. Of course I am not talking about universal rights and wrongs like murder or stealing, I am talking more about issues in our daily interaction with out spouses. In this case, YOU were right about the agreement and his not owning up to it and HE was right about it not being a big issue to play the last ten minutes of the game. Does that make sense? It's all a matter of perspective and when it comes down to it, most of the time it doesn't pay to argue seriously about different perspectives. I DON'T think you were wrong to try and enforce a mutually agreed to bed time for S5, but as you pointed out, it's all in the delivery and the extra stuff that happened because one of your triggers was squeezed. Maybe next time, try to recognize when he's doing that and just walk away. Then discuss it with him later. That way you still get to work out your difference with him and he can't turn it around on you and say you're just trying to be "right" because you let HIM be right by NOT calling him out in the moment. Just a thought. I also agree with NYS (big surprise) that this exchange should be fertile ground for C to help you both with these issues. Good luck, and please take care. This is an extremely difficult and painful process that you just have to work your way through.
