So H has been nicer, for whatever reason. Is it possible that you could mention in MC, "H, I really felt better about us when you ________ after I came back from Utah. What was it that made you feel like _______ then?"
The court thing is really not important. If you decide to D later on, they'll have plenty of room for you. Maybe ask if they can extend their time limit because you're starting MC, if you want to preserve whatever legal work is done and paid off.
In DR it tells us that these things can take a long time. H has issues that are unrelated to your M, unless I miss my guess. So it might take even longer.
But that first step is crucial. If he will honestly work in MC, and will begin to look at his own contributions to the state of his life, your M, and the life of your family, only good can come from it.
Everyone has a limit to how much we can endure. Only you will know if you are at that limit. If you're worried that you would accept abusive treatment by giving it more time, enlist the MC to help you determine healthy boundaries, put them in place, and monitor how well you stick to them. This (MC) is a chance for growth for each of you, not just for H. Marriage is meant to be a wonderful, difficult, rewarding way to become a full, healthy individual. It's not required, but it has a lot going for it. If it's what you want, then keep going for it while you can. If you're at or past your limit, then know that you did much more than many others would do for the sake of their M, and there is no shame in that.
Hugs and prayers,
Joe
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
