nothing has changed. H still isn't speaking to me. Anything I say to him he disregards, even if I'm saying 'thank you'....he just gets that dismissive look on his face and waves his hand at me or rolls his eyes at me. Last night I said "Can't you just say you're welcome??"
Well we know what that's all about. It's control, dismissing you, being contemptuous. Have you tried setting a boundary there such as stating that you feel as if he's dismissing you rudely when he does that? Yeah, I suspect if you do H will turn it around it around on you somehow, but if you stay focused on your topic, "I Feel Dismissed When You Do That", can you throw blocks at his attempts to get you engaged in his tangents?
he hasn't been getting to me. So, this morning it seems he tried harder.
Good. He's fighting to bring the dynamics back to where they were. Keep it up, don't give in. Let him fight harder to no avail and maybe he'll give it up. Maybe.
S5's teeth and he completely ignored me. I brushed them while he continued to sit on the couch and snuggle. I like getting my kids ready and taking care of them, it's just that H insists on getting in my way and slowing down the process just to irritate me.
Keep in mind my suggestion about not doing anything to help at all and dumping everything but everything in H's lap by default. It may go against what you feel and wish to do, or what sounds like what you think may work, but that's the nature of the 180. It's time to try something way different. What I'm suggesting is a way to passively create a void that H may feel the need to step up to the plate and fill. If you're doing most of the work as you are now, it leaves little or nothing for him to do but gives him all the opportunity to do what he's currently doing to be an obstacle. Time to shake that up. Take a leap of faith.
Our first MC session is scheduled for the 13th. I would be pretty surprised if he still comes. It seems to me he has already made up his mind, but I know he will blame it on me. Because I went to a session alone or because I planned to go to that business dinner or because I am going to UT. Who knows exactly why, probably all of the above.
Yes, that's very probable considering that's his pattern, to shift blame to you for his actions. Considering though that your marriage fairly sucks, if it's OK for me to make that kind of an assessment, if he doesn't seek to try and improve it at this point by this genuinely valid suggestion of going to see a MC, that tells you something big time, I'd think.
Heather, there are some people with whom one cannot have a relationship with. He might be one of those people.
Trying to show him that I can still be me and still be relatively happy even if he chooses to be an a@@.
Good.
I am finished talking. Talking has gotten me nowhere.
Because talking to him doesn't work, that's not the way to reach him.
And then cut it short if he starts being disrespectful
Good.
Loving my kids. Going to karate. Working. Reading. That is my typical life
Nothing wrong with having a "typical" life. Find more things to fill it with.
Friday night, I said to H "Clearly you're not happy with me. Do you want to talk about it?" He said "No." I said "You don't want to tell me what is I've done that's made you so upset?" He said "I don't want to talk about it." I said ok and I watched a movie. I don't know what more I can do except wait for him to come out of this mood.
He's possibly avoiding and/or controlling you by giving you the cold shoulder.
