Quote: omething fascinating -- W ultimately said that she didn't want to do that 5-week plan I offered because she was afraid that she would choose OM and the divorce at the end of it.
Well, funny you say that. The rant I have on my thread now was originally going to be posted here but I decided to use my own thread for my rant...and then I forgot to respond at all to this idea.
I too thought it sounded like a bad idea. Why place artificial time frames on things? Even if SHE went for it, who's to say these two people who are engaged in totally untrustworthy behavior to this point, would keep their word? Sure, it sounds nice but if she were willing to do 5 weeks, or COULD do 5 weeks, she sure could have gotten past 2 days. Telling her she "gets a D" at the end of your boot camp hardly seems like a carrot to me. If she wanted the D that badly I suspect she would have been saying so more often and thus it may have made more of an impact on her when you offered that. It seems to me that these kinds of agreements are being made between one highly emotional but relativly rational (you) person and someone who is at least perceptively insane and at best not at all committed to working towards the same goal as you RIGHT NOW.
Sure she's not going to accept those terms. Why would she? What does it do for her? At the end of the 5 weeks, she may end up with neither of you. Tough love? Yep, but does it create the conditions best for her to return to your marriage because SHE wants to? I doubt it.
I think you have been really good at setting boundaries and sticking to them, much more so than most here, including me. Yea, you've not done the DB thing all the time but for the most part the spirit is alive in what you do. I think if you keep it up, as you have posted before, time will cause this affair to fizzle and then you will get the time you want to work on your marriage assuming your W sees that as an option, and isn't that really the idea of DBing? Work on you, set boundaries so you're safe, and make sure that there is a loving place for them to come back to if they choose to do so?
You're doing great and no, you're not the #1 backup, you're #1, she's just settling for the easy way right now.
