W31, OM20

[RBinBR]

Well, I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. For a while, that was due to a lack of developments (I wasn't talking to W), but there have been some recent developments in the last week and a half since I started talking to her again.

The good news is that my plan to give her time to let her realize that OM is not her dream man has worked dramatically. I took D and her to dinner a couple of times -- and food really seems to help her open up (especially since she can hardly afford to eat out anymore).

OM didn't get a job for over a month after he moved in with her, and he supposedly now has a job that will start March 24. She complained that "he's so sensitive that he gets mad about every little thing." She has discovered that he is going to have to declare bankruptcy soon and he is being sued and suing someone else.

There was a revealing moment on Friday when she had some leftover pizza in her car and I asked if I could eat it and she said with a smile that OM would be disappointed that the pizza was gone. I said "OK, I won't eat it." and she said "NO, eat it -- I paid for it." The smile on her face was very knowing.

Since he can't get his own place, she still has no prospect of our D staying over with her. She said that she is depressed and misses D, misses being part of a family.

On Monday, she said that she knows what she needs to do, but doesn't have the strength to do it yet. She brought up that "after he goes back to Arkansas", she might want to live by herself for a while. She told me Friday that she has already tried to kick him out once, but he got very upset and she gave in and let him stay. She also told me Friday that she was thinking about my grandmother and how much she must hate her. She talked about writing her a letter as a first step "when this is over."

Thursday, she snuggled and cuddled with me some and just let herself enjoy my company for a while, though she didn't want to kiss me (said that she "wasn't ready for that yet")

Friday, I gave her back a key to the house and told her that she was welcome to come by anytime, instead of only at the previously agreed times. At that point, she reminded me that it wasn't over for her yet, she still didn't want to believe that the A was all for nothing, and she still felt that she "needed a miracle."

I told her that was fine -- I could see that her mind was coming back, even if her heart had a while to catch up.

I also told her that I felt our marriage was over, but that I loved her more than ever. I said that I wanted us to have a fresh start, with renewed vows, a second honeymoon, and celebrating that day as our anniversary in the future. She said that that "there was a lot of good in our marriage" (very different from previous statements of hers), and I agreed, but said that there was also a lot of hurt and it would be easier to leave that pain in the past. She said that she had also been thinking about a fresh start, maybe in a different city. I also told her that I wasn't going to completely take her back until she got right with God and was ready to make Jesus the Lord of her life. She agreed that this was what she needed to do and said that she was considering going on a fast to ask God's help in making the right decisions.

So, to sum up, my W has gone in the space of two months from demanding an immediate divorce to accepting that the A will have to end and talking about "when" she ends the A and comes back.

Anyway, that's an update on my W. I'll update everyone on myself in another post this evening or so.