W told me Oct 30 that she had affair and was ending it. I am 33 years old, W is 31, and we have 4 yr old D. OM is 20 yrs old! I live in Baton Rouge, LA and OM was from the Little Rock office, and she met him at a training in Chicago. They had initially exchanged some innocent emails, then started talking some on the phone, etc. He eventually made a couple of trips to Baton Rouge.
She gave me the "love but not in love" speech, but wanted to repair the marriage, she said. After being very angry for two days, I forgave her and made some changes that she felt were necessary and some that she didn't but I thought would help anyway. Until that day, I had no idea our marriage was in trouble, but I refocused my life on making her happy and repairing the marriage.
Unfortunately, W decided to resume contact with OM, thinking that she could just be friends. Of course, the feelings for both of them eventually returned (just after Christmas).
After she refused MC and said she couldn't live without him in her life, I then made the mistake of kicking her out (Jan 8), and did so in a not very friendly way, stupidly hoping to "wake her up" to what she was doing to herself and her family. She went to Little Rock for 3 days and came back demanding D.
Fortunately for me, we have a Louisiana Covenant Marriage, so she has to live apart from me for 2 years before she can get a divorce (though I could file right away if I wanted to, because of the adultery).
Anyway, after being very angry for a while and nearly filing for a legal separation and going through a custody fight, I realized that this wasn't the way to save my marriage. I read Michele's book and some others and now better understand her and am just focusing on loving her and applying DB principles.
She has gone to visit OM or his parents (who support this sick relationship) every weekend now for the past 3 weeks, even though that is a 7 hr drive. He is moving down to BR tomorrow (but not in with her), which scares me and also seems to be an opportunity, because a fantasy is easier to maintain from a distance, and now that she will be seeing him every day, she may realize that he isn't a very good choice for her.
Anyway, our R has been improving steadily for the last 3 weeks, especially since I decided to start applying these principles. I've been very friendly, but haven't been calling her. A friend of hers convinced her to go to MC, and she said yes "because it would help us parent together after the D." Our first session was Thursday and was good. She knows that the affair is wrong, but doesn't want to end it and doesn't feel that she is capable of ending it. We talked with C about some things that led to emotional distance between us before the affair, and I think it was good to realize that the problems we discussed were all things that could be fixed.
She's been lonely since OM has been in Little Rock and her parents and family don't know how to act around her. Last night, I decided to go for it and ended up getting her into bed for some awesome sex. It was probably rushing things a little, but I wanted to try to throw a monkey wrench into her plans to help him move down this weekend. I also thought it was important because OM's passion seems to be his major selling point.
She said last night that she felt "confused" and said "I don't know what that was, but it felt gooooood." She jokingly asked if I was going to tell OM that she had "cheated" on him with me (she knows that I have his email address and we sent each other a couple of emails). She told me that she loved me, but she still flew to Little Rock to ride back down with him as he moves to BR.
We are supposed to see MC again Tuesday morning, and I really don't know what to expect. Is she going to be mad at herself for sleeping with me, and therefore be very cold towards me, or will she still have a gleam in her eye when she thinks about last night? I really don't know.
I also don't know what to expect out of MC. The C told her on Thursday that she can't really work on her marriage as long as OM is in the picture and offered to help her end it, but she said she didn't think she could do it. He wanted us to meet together one more time so that he can get a more complete picture of our R before meeting with us individually. I'm hoping that he can get through to her in an individual session and help her realize that she really loves me and needs to end the A.
Anyway, I'm very nervous because OM is moving to BR and may be working with her, and I know that this could either cement their relationship or break it up.
I would appreciate any advice.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
