I have been lurking on this board for the last 3 months and have gotten alot of helpfull information,but it is so differant when it is you in the situation. Sometimes I have felt like nobody understands what I'm going through.But reading all of your stories I know there is far too many.
M 45 H 48 D 23 D16 D5
Here is my situation
We dated for 3 years, married for 18 yrs. I was the WAW because I tried to tell him we needed help, needed to see a counsler. He was very verbally abusive to me and I blamed him for everything that was wrong with our mariage. I left for a week untill he moved out of the house . He begged me to come home that we would go get counsling(but of course he couldn't get off of work to go) And all that did was push me further away. We were seperated for 1 1/2 yrs. In that time we tried to work things out, but last May my D16 got into some big trouble and he tolds me thats it, I am through with all of you . That it was my fault that she had gotten into trouble. So I decided to not have anymore contact with him and helped my daughter through Court and classes she had to take for a year. We had not spoke for 4 monts andd then out of the blue he calls me and says he needs to talk to me about something. He then tells me he has met someone else and as he is telling me he is crying and says that he treats her like he should have treated me and how good she made him feel. Then he tells me that he will never Love anyone as much as he loves me, and how sorry he was for all the pain he caused me but some of it was my fault because I allowed him to treat me that way.
I never ever took any of the blame for myself. Well needless to say that ripped me apart and I knew I wanted my marrage to work.That was in Sept. Well he started calling me every day just talking about things and being so nice. We talked like we hadn't talked in years . He had not stepped foot in the house since he left . He started coming over and helping me fix things that needed to be fixed and helping me with the yard . But of course OW was still in the picture and it got too painfull for me so I told him it would be best if we didn't talk anymore for awhile . Two days later he calls crying he wants to come back home . So we talk about it and then he says he needs to tell OW . Well you know how well that went. Two days latter he is taking off of work to spend with her so he can say goodbye and not hurt her. Then all of of a sudden he is not sure he wants to come home now. This went on back and forth for about 2 months. He even called me one day and asked me to get her a job where I work .That was the last straw for me. I told him to leave me alone.
Well fast forward He moved back in 2 weeks ago and she is still caling him and he is so depressed and back to treating me just like he did before he moved out 1 1/2 yrs ago. He tolds me last night he hated me and he was going to move out when we get our income taxes back. That he has already spoken with his mother and she said he could move in with her. He expected things to be differant. I know my fault in all of this I am a CA. But all of the time I was on my own I got stronger and took care of things on my own without any help form anyone, and I was doing okay. I think if he had never told me about OW I would still be doing okay on my own. Why did he feel the need to tell me when we had not spoken in 4 months and then not want to let her go after telling me he wanted to come home? I want my marrage to work but I know that I can't let him treat me the way he use too. He can't stand it if I try to be independent and do things on my own with out him controlling everything. I can't spend any money unless he gives it me . We never sat down and talked about what we wanted from each other, but I feel like it is too late .He won't talk to me now because he says I took everything he worked for . He said that when he leaves he is not taking any of his things. He says I just wanted him to come back so I could get everything he owns and fix up the house where He says I let it go . I dont now where to go from here I am just so tired.
