Hi ame- I know it seems impossible, but try not to focus on the ow...it really serves no purpose for you and only makes you feel worse. Remember that you can't control your H's actions. So, he will do whatever it takes to be with ow, and keep that life private from you. Try to let it go...the more you try to invade that space, the more he will shut you out, b/c he is trying to protect something. Whenever i am having a particularly tough time, i tell myself: will what i am about to do/think/say bring me closer to or farther away from my goal. Maybe if you can remind yourself of that, it will help.
Yes, you do need to continue to build positive experiences b/w the 2 of you. That means having fun with no R or ow talk.
As for the ML thing - i am the wrong person to ask about this. But, i try to remind myself that this is something that my H and i can share, a connection b/w us, that no one else can experience. In the end, you need to do what you feel comfortable with, but for me, this has continued and i do think it allows my H to remember the good aspects of our R. Just my 2 cents...hope it helps. Take care.
