Sorry to hear that GH. I think "It's complicated" means that she's involved. Perhaps the OM gave her a real hard time about not seeing him for V-Day, and she still doesn't want to lose him.

AS for the rest of your talk...

her asking me if I had made any "new friends" lately. I told her not really and said "I assume you mean women." She said yes. I said no, I would not do that.

Start going out with friends and do not give her any details. Let her imagine whatever while you go out and have some good times with friends or make new friends.

BTW, I imagine the speculation is that she wanted to know if you're getting into the dating pool so maybe she won't feel so bad about you not having female companionship... but without doing a proper Vulcan Mind Meld on her, it's just spec.

She then asked who I talk to then. She said she remembered my mentioning the support group (here) but who else. I said my C, my boss at work and you all. She just sat there. I added that everyone I talk to is supportive of my marriage and me.

All that may look like to her is that you're finding people to be on your "side". Don't offer details about who you speak to.

Wow. So this from the woman who didn't want to tell anyone.

So she changed her mind. No big deal. Last I remember, people do things like that.

So I called her on that. She seemed to think that because I didn't know them and they didn't know me, that it was ok that they knew. Um...sure.

Makes sense to her, and that's all that counts.

So a few more things were said along that line and she said she just asked a question and it turned into this big thing.
I said I was only taking the opportunity to talk to her about this because she rarely offers to do so. She said she didn't because it seemed like rubbing it in. Ok. Fine.

Two people can view the same thing differently. That's her viewpoint, it doesn't mean she's right or wrong, it's just a different viewpont than yours. Respect that, and maybe take a cue from it too.

I know I pushed but

"But"?

My W out with someone else on V day. I am going to need a lot of help.

Careful here. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, understand? You're setting yourself up to expect to feel lousy tomorrow. It's just a day, and it will pass in 24 hours. It's just one little blip in time. And for all you know, OM's pushiness and demands on her, if that's what's happening, may just be further seed for his ultimate demise. Now the bad news: Damn, I lost five bucks.