Well, things just got much worse and better (maybe) at the same time. Phone call to W as I am leaving the mall (got her PJ's from Victoria's Secret, a sure hit). I told her my phone was off and asked if she tried to call...
W: Yes. I am not going out tonight.
M: Ok (relieved).
W: I am going out tomorrow night though.
M: (WTF!!!!!!) Ok, um....
W: I know what you're thinking. "She's going on a date on valentines day." It's not like that. I am not going to dinner with anyone. I am not doing anything like that.
M: Ok. Understand that this is my worst nightmare.
W: I know. I know what it looks like and I can't help that. There were only two days I could go out, or want to go out, and this happens to be one of them. I can't help it if it's Valentines day.
M: You're right, it does look like that.
W: Well, I can't make you believe me.
M: I have chosen to believe you up to this point...
W: You know, it's not easy on my side.
M: (Huh?) What do you mean.
W: I know I look like the ass here but it's hard for me. (important part) Things are complicated. They are out of control and I am trying to take care of it but I am not willing to lose friends over it right now. It's difficult.
M: I understand that. I know it can be hard. I really do. We're both adults here...
W: I know that...
M: So if you want to just talk to me about this without all the code words, you can. I will not condem you, I will just listen. If it would make you feel better, then I am ok with it. I know it would make me feel better if you confided in me (oops...but didn't seem to register).
W: No, I'm ok. I will talk to you later. I am trying to drive.
M: Ok. You said things were out of control. If there is anything you need help with, you can tell me.
W: No, it's ok.
M: Alright.
Wow. So things are getting muddy in the nice green grass. Either that or she's lying her a$$ off and doing one helluva job. I am choosing the later.
I am really floored. I truly don't know how I am going to do tomorrow night. My W out with someone else on V day. I am going to need a lot of help.
We just had an interesting mini-talk brought on my her asking me if I had made any "new friends" lately. I told her not really and said "I assume you mean women." She said yes. I said no, I would not do that.
She then asked who I talk to then. She said she remembered my mentioning the support group (here) but who else. I said my C, my boss at work and you all. She just sat there. I added that everyone I talk to is supportive of my marriage and me.
So I asked her who she talks to. She said "friends". So I asked her if they knew she was married. She said they all did. It was out in the open.
Wow. So this from the woman who didn't want to tell anyone.
So I called her on that. She seemed to think that because I didn't know them and they didn't know me, that it was ok that they knew. Um...sure.
So a few more things were said along that line and she said she just asked a question and it turned into this big thing.
I said I was only taking the opportunity to talk to her about this because she rarely offers to do so. She said she didn't because it seemed like rubbing it in.
Ok. Fine.
So don't think I did well or awful here. I validated and empathized some, and did other stuff (oops).
I know I pushed but it was obvious she was asking more that "did I meet any new friends". She wanted to know if I had met any women, and she confirmed that after a few questions.
What is going on here? It seems important but I don't know.
What I do know is that tomorrow is going to be a hellacious rollercoaster ride.
There was more but I am a little frazzled right now and what is here is the gist of things. I will post more later. Please, opinions?
