For the record, these are the top 10 changes I have made in my life so far. I'm sure I am forgetting something that should be here but...
1) No more sarcasm - I think I have done a pretty good job of realizing that I do not need this in my life anymore. It is all but gone...for good!
2) I am very open and forthright about what I want and need around the house, with my W. This is important because I have always been somewhat passive/aggressive in this respect. It makes things much easier and there is much less tension in the house.
3) I have gone back to being a gentleman to my W. I am opening doors for her again (she likes this). I am also buying flowers for her/the house every couple days like I used to. She really likes having them around and has appreciated this change a lot.
4) I am MUCH more respectful of her when it comes to how I express my feelings/desire for her. This comes as a natural extension of the fact that we are not intimate anymore, but I had gotten SO bad with the comments I would make that I thought were funny, but obviously she didn't. I would get so frustrated at the lack of ML that I would make sarcastic comments and really do/say things that totally turned her off.
Now I am respectful of that and any comments I make about her are kind and express my feelings without all the low-level garbage (butt grabbing, etc).
5) I am self aware. I think before I speak most of the time. This is HUGE too because I am very stream-of-consciousness when it comes to how I talk. For me to filter took some getting used to.
6) I smile a LOT now. This is a change because my anger and frustration stemming from work stress, the kids, general stress, had made me a sour person, rarely smiling. Now I beam...
7) I am a glass half-full...er...well I am trying to be a glass half-full person. My W has made the comment that I am one of the most negative people she has ever known (about 3 years ago she said this). I really feel that is not true at all, but I understand why she thinks that. I am trying to develop the habit of speaking the positive instead of just the negative all the time. I am doing much better.
8) I am getting back into the things that make me happy outside my marriage. I am playing pool (well I am going to anyway), shooting personal photography projects, actually ENJOYING the more fun work I get to do instead of downplaying it. I used to make my W think I was unhappy with anything I did outside the house because I felt guilty about getting to do things and she didn't. No wonder she thinks I was so unhappy. In truth, I even started to buy it myself. No more. I really like what I do and I am showing it now.
9) Patience grasshopper. Speaks for itself. If it's worth doing, it's worth waiting for.
10) I shower or take a bath at least once a day now. This is good because I suspect my not bathing for days on end may have been an issue...kidding...just wanted to see if you're still reading.
I STILL shower daily, but I am now taking much better care of myself. I am styling my hair every day (spikes these days), I have grown back my full goatee (was there when we met so...), dressing nicely no matter what the occasion and even buying myself new clothes, which I NEVER did before.
EDITED IN:
11) (yea, i know, top 10..) I am honoring my W's requests of me. This is a biggie because she doesn't ask much of me but she seems to ask it of me when it's inconvenient (i.e. could I go into work late and help with the kids) but not un-doable. In the past, I would blow these things off, saying I could not do it. I now make time when she asks me to.
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All in all, I am doing well identifying what the "old me" used to be like and trying to bring back those things. I know I feel really good about who I am right now and while I cannot claim to have NO dependance on my W for self-esteem issues, I am light-years ahead of a month and a half ago. There is still a ton of work to do, mainly in making sure these things stick, but thanks to hard work, and you guys, I am doing ok.
