and I really hate that I reverted back to it. I also think there is some part of me that sabotages things... Maybe I am just getting really frustrated with the cat and mouse game of wondering what's going on with her and the OM. Since I am resigned to not asking, I let some pent up sarcasm slip. Gotta do better because if there is anything she hates more than my sarcasm, I don't know what it is.
That's funny I had the same thought: asking myself why you were sabotaging the positivity, and/or why you slipped back into old behaviors.
Well, the latter question is probably easier to answer. Things go well, you feel your guard down and more comfortable, and voilá, you expressed your frustration, you just needed to vent it to her, good or bad. Sarcasm is one of the most effective ways to kill a relationship in time. Your wife's answer indicates that her time with you has not yet convinced her that things will not revert to what they were, or that you're yet capable of keeping up good behavior, so maybe there's some stuff going on we're not reading about in your posts.
In the meantime, learn a better way to handle frustration. Cultivate more patience. You're a photographer, we cultivate patience as photographers dealing with waiting for the moment in action photography, dealing with brides who run late, groups of people we have to organize into shots, little kids we have to cajole... all without letting it get to us but keeping a smile on our faces, right? Apply that skill of patience here too. And when you're tempted to say something sarcastic, stop your mouth and use your brain and consider how what you wish to say can hurt. You wouldn't say something like that to your clients, why say it to the person you claim to love the most? Reflect on why you feel that way, and diffuse the negative thoughts with reason.
My W is giving indications that the OM is fading or gone. She has not gone out with him in a week.
I don't know what she's doing, but I would not rule out that she's totally stopped seeing the OM. I get indications from your posts that she may still be seeing him. You may not be picking up on it, but I am, FWIW. Anyway, it also seems that you've got her somewhat stopped in her tracks for the moment as she checks you out. That suggests that she's making comparisons between you and the OM, so it really, really behooves you to become the better option right now.
I want to ask her what's going on but I'm not. Do you think that's wise.
Probably not, because worst case, she could just lie, right? So what's the point of asking? Just pretend he doesn't exist and work on you and your relationship. If he is or isn't in the picture, that will come out in the wash sooner or later. If he is in the picture, there's not telling if he will or won't be next month or not, so keep your focus on the big picture and not the daily rushes.
