Thanks Tim and NYS for keeping me on track and PD for chiming in. I will look into that PD, thank you.
Journaling:
Last night we booked our flight to Ireland on the 2nd of March. I was excited at first, but now I have anxiety. I have NO idea where we will "be" when that time comes and I feel all this pressure to keep the status quo until then (really, that was my plan anyway) because I DO NOT want to go all that way with someone just to fight and be uncomfortable. Also, I need to put the breaks on some things. She is now showing signs that all the touching and "niceness" between us the last few day is making her uncomfortable. She pulled away last night and this morning from back rubbing. I am immediately stopping any initiation of physical contact, which is really hard for me because even in the best of times, she never initiated so if I don't do it, it won't get done. I need to re-group. Going into tomorrow, her traditional (ick) date night with OM, I will have to be strong because I do harbor some hope that she's on the outs with him. I think I may be wrong (more than a few long garage sessions yesterday and even this morning). So I am not that emotional and I am going to redouble my efforts to do some "as if"-ing today. I may be wrong about the OM status, but I can act as if I am right and things are on the mend. All that will really do is keep me positive today since we are going to be doing family things all day. Wish me luck and I will try to check in on all of you later in the day.
