Piecing after divorce

[Just_Me]

starting sharing those little kernels of wisdom that you have, others will start reciprocating!

Key words...kernels of wisdom. I have no kernels. :P

At this point I feel like I'm in unfamiliar territory. I'm essentially married again and I like it very much. Things are going smoothly, but what I realize I haven't been looking so much for positive signs and I haven't been so focused on the upkeep of the marriage. You know the point in the marriage when things went along smoothly and you just lived it and enjoyed it? That's where I am at. It's a good thing, but maybe I should be more worried?

So, observations from my first month of reconciliation:
1) I still have moments where I sense this "aloofness" and it worries me. Is she reconsidering? Is it something I did? So far I've asked her if something is wrong. If she says there isn't, I try like h@ll to avoid asking any more and also try to get my attitude positive. That sometimes takes a while. It is best if I engage in doing my own thing during that time until I can get happy/positive

2) If I'm down or moody, she also worries about what's wrong with me. I think we both have some uneasiness about the R, but it's only manifested when one of us is not his/her normal self.

3) We've had a great time spending time together and with the kids. It has been helpful connecting.

4) Plans for a vacation together at the end of April (Gabe, we'll be in the southeast). Part of it is continuing education, but we'll have time to play and spend some one on one time together.

5) We still have fights and disagreements. They have definitely changed though. Many of the opportunities to fight are deflected by a lighthearted comment from either one of us. When we have fought, I find I've taken more of the role previously filled by her, which surprises her. When they have started to get out of hand I discuss it calmly and rationally rather than fly off the handle. Still need to work on listening and validating.

There was one episode of note. A girl I was seeing after the divorce has called me several times but I haven't answered. After the last call I felt I needed to clarify things because I hadn't done so previously. I did tell my wife about it and asked her if I should call her. She heard the end of the conversation and got mad at me. She felt I was speaking to this girl in the tone I reserve for "just her and my sister" and also was flirting. That caused some hard feelings. I did say I was sorry if it felt that way to her, but reassured her that this girl didn't mean anything to me. I did defend myself, but did acknowledge that I understood how she would feel that way.

6) Funny thing. We were going out of town and we seem to always fight when we travel. We both made a concerted effort to avoid it. That was nice. Before we left she had on her wedding ring and asked, "can I wear this?" I don't remember the context, but she said, "I think about you as my husband."

7) I don't know if it's convenience or what, but for the most part in conversation, we have both dropped the 'ex' in front of H and W.

So that's updates in a very long way. I haven't been posting here, but I do look through the threads. I've been spending a fair amount of time in newcomers. It used to be too painful. Now it's more a reminder of how far I've come, but also an important reminder of what I need to continue to do in order to avoid returning to newcomers.