Quote: So you are experiencing the "old patterns" of behaviors? You agreed to certain things and they didn't materialize? Is that because not only is your H the same, but so are you?
The answer to ALL of those is YES.
I only told him about seeing the other guy because I thought it was one of his old friends (they at least went to the same parties and hung out sometimes) I thought it might be interested to know what he was doing (he's in the Army). I didn't think it would set him off like it did, I just wanted to talk about my day.
Quote: Does fretting about him potentially leaving or not loving you change anything?
Not really but it makes me want to go file the D papers because him "playing" me like that pi$$es me off.
Quote: If he leaves is it the end of the world? I think you've probably discovered by this point that it isn't.
No it's definately not the end of the world (he kicked me out 2 months ago so I've already been to that point and back) . . . . I really would rather it all be over with that have to keep fighting and dealing with feeling worthless (I can't seem to ever do anything right). But then I think about the next baby and I think about the problems I'm having with pregnancy and I think about how I need him for support and also because he helps me get around when he's here (he takes me to the store etc.) and I wonder exactly what I would do if he wasn't in my life right now. These are all things some one else could do but who? No one else is even remotely willing to help me out, I guess I feel stuck with him.
Quote: Remember, just because you are working on the R, doesn't mean the basic rules of listening, understanding, validating, and accepting that the spouse is entitled to their opinion (even if you happen to disagree) are no longer necessary
I know . . . and I know I don't do such a great job. But he can't ever express his opinion about something without telling me I'm absolutely wrong or yelling to get his point across and I just get so frustraighted.
At this point I don't even know what R goals I should have . . . . I haven't been able to come up with anything yet this time around. . . I read and keep looking through the DBing book . . but I am still having trouble making goals. . . especially when I feel that he is so difficult and unwilling. He would be mad if he knew I was on this site . . talking to other people about our R . . . so I don't even feel that I share the advice I get. Seems like if he doesn't get the info himself or if it doesn't come from his parents than it's automatically bull or it's a scam . . . or who knows. His parents are idiots who live in all the wrong ways and know nothing about they way things really work. . . will he always be that way too?
