I know what you mean about wanting your H's support. I get the same reaction sometimes. I've had something crappy happen and I want to tell him about it and have him be compassionate! And he gets angry that I'm complaining to him. You might want to read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, if you haven't. It explains alot. Men do not like to talk about stuff. They want to think about it and figure out what to do. Women want to talk and talk and talk about it. So, I try to remind myself if I want to talk it out, better find a girlfriend to do that with.
So, if you can put that frustration somewhere else, it may do you better with your H. Is your roommate staying long? If it's your house, can you talk to her separately about rules and expectations? It will probably hurt her feelings and make him mad, but if it's your house and your are going crazy, you do need to stand up and make some changes. You might feel bad at first, but when things calm down and you have a little peace you may find you are proud of yourself for doing it.
I hope you won't bite my head off when I suggest you try really hard to be a little less touchy about mom. Think of your convos with your H about mom like someone is telling you they can't stand someone you care about and they won't have anything to do with them. It hurts that my H won't have anything to do with my family (except my kids) and it hurts if he says derogatory things about them. But he doesn't like them and I can't make him. Your H might feel that way too.
Mom is probably not going to change and H isn't either right now. They have a relationship and bond all their own. You, however, can change you and the way you react to them. Try really hard not to say anything when he talks about her. Try to bite your tongue and just validate what he says. I bet you anything he tells her what you say and that will fuel her. He's in the middle and having a hard time trying to please both of you.
You are right, don't overanalyze what he is doing or saying. He might waiver a few times for many different reasons. Just don't freak out on him. Try to remain calm and stable.
