Emily, I was just browsing and saw your post. It reminded me of when H and I got back together. Only his mom doesn't hate me, in fact we have been friends for many years. However my family doesn't like my H.
I can remember the feeling of confusion about whether I was doing the right thing getting back with him. My sister had ranted and raved about how horrible he was and I should never let him back in. I've always been influenced by what other people think and say. Part of DBing for me was to think about what I wanted and try to leave out the negative thoughts I get from others. It is hard. Some relates to my feelings of low self-esteem--you know, I can't think for myself, cuz I'm not intelligent enough?
Anyway, it takes work to leave out what others are telling you. I'm sorry his mom hates you and he's being buddy buddy with her anyway. I guess you have to decide if you can live in this situation. If you choose to do so, I think you will have to work hard to lose the resentment and anger toward him and her.
You are back to being angry and resentful when you think he isn't going anywhere. You are worried about keeping the good changes going with him back. With anger and resentment I doubt you will be able to.
I had a counselor tell me once that my H is in my life forever, friends and family members will not always be around. My life with my H is the priority.
I think you must know that when your H comes back, he probably hasn't changed a whole lot. Mine didn't and we were separated for a year. But I changed a lot. The only thing you can work on here is yourself. You cannot make him do anything. If he chooses to do something for mom over you, you may have to grin and bear it. And if you do, mom may decide to change her mind about you. It sounds like you have a lot of forgiveness to work on. It's going to be hard. My H won't even see my family unless he runs into them somewhere. I spend holiday time with them and he doesn't participate. I wish he would but I can't make him so I've learned to just leave it alone. Maybe you can take some time out from his mom as well.
Keep reading your books and working with a counselor. No reason he even needs to know about it. Or mom either. Let them see changes in you and they may follow suit. No guarantees, but if what you are doing isn't working, try something else.
