I notice a lot of anger in your posts. Is this your way of venting, or is this anger coming across to your W?
A couple of suggestions for you...
One, quit focussing on her "issues". Be it anything you feel is unresolved from her childhood, what you perceive to be her feelings of inadequacy, whatever. It doesn't matter, and it's out of your control anyway. It's just energy wasted that you could be focussing on yourself and your children.
Quote: Bottom line is she blames ME and the 1989 affair for why we are getting divorced NOW.
Ok, I'm not going to call you horrible nasty names, but it's possible she really never did heal from it. Just because it was a loooong time ago doesn't mean it isn't still affecting her. Was there an effor on your part to figure out the underlying issues? And I don't mean finger-pointing at your W. I mean what you did that allowed for the A.
Did you work on a plan to help her feel comfortabl and safe in the M again? How did you demonstrate to her that you were committed to making it work?
Quote: My C has done a remarkable job of FINALLY getting me to see that W is very immature and childish... That she pretty much took a back seat to everything in our marriage and let me drive the train so to speak and didn't want to take any responsiblity for "stuff".
This really bothers me. It sounds like your C is doing just as much finger-pointint as you are, which isn't constructive in trying to move forward.
So what are your goals? Do you want to work at this relationship? Perhaps a chance at reconciliation in the future? Are you looking to making an amicable divorce?
Set something short-term, focussed on you and your kids. Something you can see results from in a week.
