Reconcillation is not all that! Moving on!

[BeingMe]

That's just it! I'm no longer angry with him, but I am expecting some changes. He was the one who had the EA, wanted the D, and was determined to end our M. Once I had moved on, and was GAL, and looking forward to my future single life, then he realised what he was willing to throw away, and discovered he still loved me, and wanted to keep our family together. Well, duh! Anyway, you can read our sitch under Moving on with H.

The thing is he still lied, after we had recommitted, and were planning a move to a new city. I almost walked out then, and since then, I find it very hard to trust him. I expect him to DB me now, in that I expect him to communicate with me any concerns, or just to connect with me, he needs to seek me out to do fun things, and I need to see him working on himself. I have told him these things, but it's like talking to a wall. So, now I wait for him to make the positive changes I need to see, otherwise I will leave.

That's not to say that life is unhappy for me - quite the opposite. I am very happy within myself because I took the time and trouble to work on myself. I don't think it's too much to ask the same of him. I am certainly not going to spend the rest of my life with someone who is just going to coast and expect me to do it all. He screwed up, so he must clean up too. I accepted my role in the negatives in our M, and have more than made up for it (he agrees), and now he has to do the same.

I don't know what advice I can give you, JSD, since I don't know your whole sitch. But, it will help if you can actively listen to your wife's concerns, and show her that you are trying to address them, honestly and with commitment. Let her know that you hear and care about what she says - validate her feelings. My H doesn't do that. He listens, sure, but he doesn't act on my concerns, or he just says I have to eventually trust him.

Hope this helps.