Hope, H's going to do things that benefit him right now, so insofar as his offers to meet his obligations, if they're not fair to you, you can refer him to your attorney. Your attorney won't care if H has to pay out and is left with only enough to afford a crawl space in a sub-basement storage room. And then the attorney can collect his fees from your H too.
"I'd like to see you stay in it." Why?
Parting gifts? Make him feel better? We don't know, and it doesn't matter why.
When I asked him if it was so he would have the option to come back in the future (wrong question, I know)
Then put that knowledge to work.
he said he wasn't coming back (for the umpteenth time)
Every umpteenth time that you push. This is what WASs will do at this stage.
I am tired of being alone without his love.
I understand that sweetie. Yet right now, this is not a man that will love you the way you ought to be loved.
I'm tired of playing these games and being so accomdating while he does whatever he wants. I'm tired of so many things.
Yet, this is what it takes. Patience and a few extra truckloads of it. No expectations, so that you don't get frustrated by not seeing results when you want to see them. We're not playing games, this is life. We do things to get results, if possible. The problem here is that emotions get mixed in, and when that happens, it becomes very difficult to do. But if you can hang in there, then in time, you'll be OK with whatever happens, with no regrets.
I want his love and our life to begin over
Wanting his love and your life to begin over is an extremely unrealistic wish. Your life isn't contingent on his, and it's always within your power to live it. Wanting his love is understandable, but not doable right now. There was a time when you didn't need his love, there was a time when you just wanted to be loved... by someone. Then you met him. You fell in love, and then all of a sudden, he became very important. You wanted to share things with him, you wanted his approval, you wanted his hugs, his kisses, his smiles, his joy, his love. It became specifically about him, above anyone else's.
As you heal, you will go back to seeking love, and you'll find it doesn't have to be only from him.
And, to be honest, two years from now, he may find that it's you he really wants. So, try not to get so wrapped up in today's story. Things can change, trust me on that.
but not one thing is happening to make me feel good about this.
Nobody likes to feel pain, but pain is a part of life. there are no quick fixes here, no pills to take. You don't have to feel good about this. You just have to say, "OK, so I'm in pain. I don't like it, but I'll get through it. Good things will come".
