Exactly! I didn't control what he spent either, but he felt that way. We shared an account, I paid the bills cuz he didn't want to. Now we don't even bank at the same bank. I asked him to up his contribution recently because some utilities have gone up. It was hard because finances have always been a big problem for us to discuss, but I needed him to help out a little more. He agreed to a little more but he did get agitated too. He said he didn't want to go back to getting an "allowance". Aaaaargh! More evidence that I was acting more like "mom" than wife back then. This area of our M has improved greatly. Neither one of us knows our exact financial situation. I know he has a credit card and he knows I have one, but we don't know anything about them. Some might say it's dangerous to not know, but we are adults and we should be able to trust each other to make our own financial decisions. Of course, if it's something big that affects us both, we do discuss it--but if I want to go shopping and get some stuff for the house or my son, I don't feel guilty about it. And if he wants to go buy golf equipment, I don't worry that he's spending money I need to pay the bills. It's been a huge weight off both of us.
I do have a thread over in Piecing "Journaling to Remind Me". I don't post a lot anymore, but I keep coming in to see others' advice and keep my DBing going. Wishing you all the best!
