Hey hope- Just checking in with you this morning. Hope you are feeling okay.I wouldn't necessarily assume that your H is separating finances as a next step...could be for any number of reasons. Don't attach your own meaning! I wish i could be more profound, but i am just emotionally exhausted today, that i really don't think i could be of much help...i don't want to bring anybody down. Take care of you today.
Hi; good morning. Thanks for the support, as always. I'm doing ok; still very sad in my heart. I guess it would be easier if I knew what was in my husband's. Is there still love there, being overshadowed by many problems he isn't facing, or is his heart just empty now? The latter would be very painful to deal with.
I have a quiet evening planned; nothing much going on tonight. I sure wish I had a visit from him to look forward to tomorrow, but he has not mentioned it again. I don't think I should bring it up.
I certainly do miss him.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Detach Hope. Focus on yourself. Post here. I know you miss him, but focus away from that.
My W was out drinking with friends last night, and I was in a chat with some friends on another board. My D's were very worried about her, but I was sort of upset that she got home at 11:30. I sort of resigned myself that I would deal with any problems she got herself in, but I wasn't going to worry about anything else. I probably should have just gone to bed to show I didn't stay up waiting on her.
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I'm here...I'm here...as for being sweet...thank you Al. Kinda needed to hear something along the lines of that today. Hate being in a freaking funk like this. Perhaps Kismet needs to take the whip to me!!
Okay...missy...so you've backslide. Well kinda thought you might a bit. Okay, so I am picking you up, dusting you off and setting you back on your feet.
Okay, so he's separating finances, FINALLY...good. Now he can learn how to take care of himself and he will find out what it is like to not have you there to depend on. If memory serves me right, haven't you bailed him out of some financial irresponsibilites since all this started?
More importantly, you won't be stressed out anymore about HAVING to talk to him about finances either. You will have what you need, when you need it to take care of the house, etc. I don't mean to sound harsh honey, cause you know I care about you...but this is giving you some mental freedom here. Forcing you to let him learn how to care for himself.
I have this beautiful necklace that hasn't come off since you gave it to me...I want you to remember what is on that necklace, the two words and remember that also reflects in you honey. You are both of those words...as am I...pull from that when you need strength...I know you have it in you. You are one helluva a woman, with a heart of gold. You deserve so much love in your life. Not the pain that you are going through. Everytime I look at that necklace, a smile comes to my face. I want you to know that it was the sweetest gift anyone has ever given me. Thank you.
You’re back! I’m so glad. How was the flight? Now he can learn how to take care of himself and he will find out what it is like to not have you there to depend on. If memory serves me right, haven't you bailed him out of some financial irresponsibilites since all this started? It will be good for him to handle things on his own for once. Maybe it will satisfy more of his need for independence that he seems to crave these days. I wouldn’t say I’ve “bailed” him out of anything financially; I just manage all the paperwork and make sure things are paid on time. Which I will still do for myself. He will have to worry about his own responsibilities. It will be interesting to see how his contact with me changes after this. He won’t have the excuse to call re: our finances so much any longer. this is giving you some mental freedom here This is a way to see a positive in the situation; good idea. I want you to know that it was the sweetest gift anyone has ever given me. Thank you. You are more than welcome, Sassy. It was my pleasure. I am so happy you like it.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Exactly! I didn't control what he spent either, but he felt that way. We shared an account, I paid the bills cuz he didn't want to. Now we don't even bank at the same bank. I asked him to up his contribution recently because some utilities have gone up. It was hard because finances have always been a big problem for us to discuss, but I needed him to help out a little more. He agreed to a little more but he did get agitated too. He said he didn't want to go back to getting an "allowance". Aaaaargh! More evidence that I was acting more like "mom" than wife back then. This area of our M has improved greatly. Neither one of us knows our exact financial situation. I know he has a credit card and he knows I have one, but we don't know anything about them. Some might say it's dangerous to not know, but we are adults and we should be able to trust each other to make our own financial decisions. Of course, if it's something big that affects us both, we do discuss it--but if I want to go shopping and get some stuff for the house or my son, I don't feel guilty about it. And if he wants to go buy golf equipment, I don't worry that he's spending money I need to pay the bills. It's been a huge weight off both of us.
I do have a thread over in Piecing "Journaling to Remind Me". I don't post a lot anymore, but I keep coming in to see others' advice and keep my DBing going. Wishing you all the best!
I didn't control what he spent either, but he felt that way. We shared an account, I paid the bills cuz he didn't want to Yes, this is how it is/was with us, except as I had said before, due to the nature of H’s jobs, I had to manage everything, because I was the one at home (H. could be gone for months at a time, military). It was a practicality matter; I was not trying to be controlling and I certainly never told him what he could or couldn’t spend. But, as you pointed out, he could have a very different view of the matter and since he is still willing to be responsible about the household bills with me, I will be supportive of his choices. I just want him to start feeling better about himself; if this is a way he will, then I’m all for it.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
