shocked, I agree; if not for the posters here, I would be lost. Re: what H. is or is not telling o.w., I really have no idea. Maybe he is opening up to her. I can tell you that back in Dec. after they got back together, he told me that he thought he WAS depressed, that he was going back to counseling, etc. Why? I know it's because he and o.w. had a long talk the day prior and she must have told him this is what she thought and recommended. As far as I know, he never did go back to counseling.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I guess I still don't know how the male mind works. Don't worry about saying I was being silly; I need to be set straight! And you are right--H. is no DB'er by any means. I should do myself a favor and keep this in mind.
I hope he will be back, but I'm not going to plan for it, that way I won't be disappointed again. I still don't know if he intends to come by on Sat. evening as he said he would. Is it best not to bring this up again? So far I haven't.
You know, I tried to be SO careful when he was here Monday, not to ask alot of questions (seen as prying), not to follow him around (smothering), not to make the first move towards a hug or kiss (also smothering). I thought I had done a really good job, and yet, as you said, he still jumped back. I don't think I could have been more careful or cautious.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Well, H. just called me and I did answer it. He did not sound cheery and happy like he had been acting in the past week. Basically, he wanted me to give him the info. on the bills he will be responsible to pay once he transfers his paycheck to his own acct. and he wants me to get this information together for him as soon as possible. I did not argue his decision and I said I would get the information for him.
So he's taking steps to completely separate our finances now and this is not a step towards coming back, I am afraid. I do not take this as a positive sign. I know my H. well enough to know that if he makes this change, he has pretty much decided.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hope, your post is one I follow because I'm hopeful for you. Just wanted to let you know, when my H separated his money and bills from mine, I felt the same way. I felt it was a sign that he was moving away from me further. However, he just wanted to be in control of his own money. He wanted to pay his own bills and make his own budget. It really had nothing to do with our separation. After we reconciled in June of 2005, after being apart for almost a year, we continue to keep our money and bills separate but he makes a fair contribution to the household stuff. It has really cut own on arguments about finances. So maybe that's all your H wants to do too. Just try it out for himself.
Hi, I am so sorry that I don't recognize you; do you post in another section here? Thank you for replying here to me; I am glad that you are hopeful for me!
he just wanted to be in control of his own money. He wanted to pay his own bills and make his own budget It's funny that you say this to me tonight. It has reminded me of a previous conversation I had with my H. about all of this. He did tell me that he wanted to be in control of his own paycheck. It's not that he doesn't want to help me pay the bills, he just wants to NOT have to call me all the time, reporting to me what he's spent, and where. I can understand this and to be honest, I don't like that he has to "report" to me this way, either. I have never controlled what he spent or anything, I just kept the books, so to speak. With him away alot due to his job(s), it has had to be this way; I was the one at home taking care of the household, so I had to know how to pay the bills, balance the acct., etc. Maybe it is like you said, he just needs to do it on his own. I will try to be supportive and not take it so personally, as if he's moving further away. Thank you for sharing this with me; it really helped me tonight.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I know my H. well enough to know that if he makes this change, he has pretty much decided.
A while back you knew him well enough to think your marriage would never be in this kind of mess. Two weeks ago, you knew him well enough to know he wasn't going to come over and "spend time" with you like he did the other day.
Don't assume and don't read things into things sister (oh, and do as I say not as I do since I can't stop doing it either )
You're right of course; I thought I knew H. well enough that a lot of things wouldn't happen and I was wrong.
It's just the timing, is all. He plans and carries out his "emotional test" on Monday, he examines the results, says he feels differently now and then moves forward to separate the finances. I guess it made me feel like he implemented this next change because of what happened Monday.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Doubt it honey. But what if he did? It's hardly some gigantic leap. It's really something many of them do the instant they leave (as I believe preggo pointed out). This is not an action that has much weight. He could do many, many things much worse than that and many, many things showing how little he cares.
Keep your chin up. Soon Lisa will be back and give you some decent advice.
Thanks, Al. But don't discount your advice; you give it good, too! Oooh boy...Sassy is not going to be pleased with my backslide. Actually she probably won't be too happy to learn of H's latest stunt, either. It will be interesting to hear what she has to say. He could do many, many things much worse than that and many, many things showing how little he cares Going to rest my head with this final thought for the night, Al. Thank you again.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Your welcome Hope. If Sassy tries to whip ya, I'll step in and take a few for ya But then again, you know her - she sounds tough but she's really sweet.
) 