My last thread is going to lock soon. New title is a nod to my mom, who said this to me today.
The last thing I posted was that H. has already called my cell tonight; I didn't pick up. He left a short message, asking me to give him a call when I get a chance.
I will be polite and do so, but only after I wait several hours. I'll be as cheerful as I can muster; I don't want him to think I'm upset about what occured.
I'm trying not to read into his call; I can't let it mean anything. Must detach.
Let him call you back. Paste on a smile. He'll hear it in your voice. Don't ask any questions, no matter what he says. Just listen, "mmhhmmmm" him and smile.
Good, Hope. Very good. I think it would seem weird to your H if you didn't eventually pick up or call him back. But you're right on the money: Be upbeat and act as if the other night didn't happen. You'll take back some control that way.
Now, to drag some things over from your other thread:
Can I ask you, how did your H. end up getting beyond the guilt, enough so that he was able to come back?
He hit rock bottom. Having a psycho OW helped. I'm tellin' ya, GF, you can read it a million times and not think it applies to your sitch, but it does: You have to be the girl who gives H space and drops the rope. In the meantime, OW is acting totally psycho. She's mad with jealousy.
Do you remember when I posted on my thread in December about the gift I made for H? The one I took to him when I caught him with OW? It was a shirt that I had made him using an ultrasound picture of our baby. When I walked in on H and OW, I handed H the shirt and apologized for interrupting.
Guess what? H has told me that over the few weeks that followed that incident, OW pitched a hissy fit about that shirt. He said she was soooo jealous about it. In fact (and this is sick), as H was moving back home, OW went into "their" apartment and took the shirt from the closet.
So even after he decided to come home, she was still totally out of control.
You being the laid back, drama-free person -- the one who doesn't beg or cry or act jealous -- makes you appear to be exactly the person you are: A strong, stand-up woman who can live without a man (though you really don't want to ).
So...what's their crazy wish? That we stay put until they are done twisting in the wind?
Well, I think it's kinda weird. They don't per se want you to wait around, because they really want what they can't have. So they want you to move on with your life ... but to welcome them home with open arms if and when *they* finally decide to come back. Kinda selfish, but hey, that's par for the course, right?
A part of me is scared that he will now file. He didn't say that, but logic would tell me that if he is sure he isn't coming home then he will be ready to do this. I guess I have to wait and see what he does next.
There's no such thing as logic in this game, I'm afraid. You're right: Just sit back and wait for him to make a move on D, if he's going to. Live in the moment. The past is too hard to swallow, the future is too frightening. Today, all your needs are met, and your H hasn't filed. Not to mention he's already calling you for goodness' sakes!
Thank you again for spending so much time on this with me.
Don't mention it. You're very welcome. I'm glad you're feeling better.
Amy, thanks for posting; it is good to see you over here.
P&DBing, I don't remember that story you shared about the shirt you gave your husband; I must have missed that! Hey, do you think that had anything to do with her "I'm pregnant" story? I dunno. I still say your H's o.w. is lying about that. I don't know how you hold it together and then come here and post such excellent advice!!!
I'm going to give him a very quick call right before I go to bed, and I actually hope I just get his vm. I'm just being courteous and returning his call, as he asked. Nothing more.
If he is half as confused as I am right now, then he must be exhausted.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hi Hope, I hope you are feeling a little better. Wah still does seem to want a connection with you. I mean really did he need to call you about the account. So I do see positives in your situation, as horrid as it is to you.
It is interesting to hear the viewpoint from someone who has come out the other side so to speak. Thanks Preggo.
Good to see you have your cool about you in the midst of madness. You're right in knowing how to handle it, good for you! I knew he would call again. You just continue doing what you have to do girlfriend. Cheering you on, you're an inspiration.
So we're back to telephone tag and our "business" relationship.
I returned his call last night before I went to bed and got his vm. I was glad. I left a short message and turned my cell phone off. About 1/2 hour later he called the house line; I did not answer. This morning I checked my cell and sure enough he'd left a message last night with the acct. updates, and he asked me to give him a call sometime today as he needs to write a couple of checks from our shared acct. to pay bills.
Like I said, now we're stepping back to communication re: our finances, and that seems to be all. I'm still going to TRY to pretend like the other night did not happen, but it will be difficult. Got to get to work. Thanks for all of the wonderful support.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hey hope- Not much to add. Glad you are feeling a bit better. And you are getting some great advice. Try to remember to detach and act happy. Have a good day.
Money. Hmph. The perfect excuse to call you; that's all. Yeah, yeah, yeah ... I know he has to do account updates. But was he being this "aggressive" in contacting you a couple weeks ago? Don't you think it's a little weird how he's blowing your phone up now, despite what he said to you recently about being so "done"? Here's a question for ya: Why, if he's so done, can't he get his own account? When my H left, that was one of the first things he did.
You are doing beautifully, GF! Keep it up! You're letting him stew while re-building your own strength. I'm happy for you!
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