I didnt think it was premeditated on your part. I am very aware of the different personalities that come out during drinking. Personally I believe that alcohol removes our environmental inhibitions. The inhibitions that WE personally have, our personal boundaries seem to stay in tact. Also The face that people present to the world is dropped. So you get to see their real or at least current emotional state revealed.
I wanst picking on any of that.
I just knew when he said that he had wanted to that I felt better and I was trying to examine why I felt better. Then I realised that his whole reaction had been off-base. That it had been about his humiliation not about WHAT I had done but about the fact that he felt humiliated by it and that while that is an entirely valid reaction it seemed to be his ONLY reaction. I felt cut dead by the fact that he said *if you want to do that don’t do it in front of me*. Like he couldn’t care less if I wanted to do that. It was that coupled with his current LD/non-desiring behaviour that had me feeling lost and abandoned.
<big exhalation> This is sooo close to being the straw that broke my x's back. I hope the guys are paying attention. Its so critical --the difference in how we (men/women) communicate, when we say 'logical' 'true' 'correct' statements and in actuality because of the way the comments make you 'feel' it is WRONG!!! (of course chrissy this is something your ultra truthful super controlled self will disagree with me on too. Your an exception. SHH. <snicker> )
And so I will begin my logicalling of your feeling on this. Not to change your feeling, but just so that if there are guys as dense as I am they can see it may be true, and correct as to what we have been taught, but its the WRONG thing to do.
it had been about his humiliation not about WHAT I had done
Um yes. You completely disrespected him. You better believe he was humiliated. It was in fact WHAT you did that humiliated him.
it seemed to be his ONLY reaction. Its not his job to enforce your boundaries. In his mind. Yes I know now that it would have made you feel better, important, special, I dont know exactly.... but something along the lines of cherished and protected. Well I guarantee that if anyone were to impose on you, hurt, violate, etc on you he would PROTECT. But when you are willingly engaged, Then WHAT is there for him to cherish or protect. regardless of you being in the black hole,(because this is something Cobra and I are going to have to part paths on. I know the black hole, and its part of my self testing as to my personal boundaries, before I got married. )Would he like to beat down C? probably. But thats not logical, because we are not cavemen. We are socially correct, enviromentally trained, Modern men, who knows that a woman is just as responsible for her actions as a man. So if he is gonna beat down C, then that means he should be angry with you too. But hes not. Not that kind at least. Hes hurt. He wants to drag you back to his cave, but he has been trained that isnt respectful, and petty/jealous to boot.
I felt cut dead by the fact that he said *if you want to do that don’t do it in front of me*.
Urgh. flashbacks. thought control. ...... ahhh. I hate you right now. j/k ok ...... Love is a choice, and since his A, probably one he is well aware of. So he has no control over your love. In his opinion. He thinks he cant dictate to you what YOU do, but he can enforce HIS boundary which is 'not in front of me'. What he does now is dependant on his personality . He could let it go. He could start observing you more and withdrawing. or he may try to beat you to the punch of you leaving him and getting 'revenge' by acting out in a similar fashion. At least he got angry about something.
I never get angry. I never showed 'negative' emotions. made my x feel unloved. <--- not anymore.
side bar. why did your H have an A the first time?
Like he couldn’t care less if I wanted to do that. It was that coupled with his current LD/non-desiring behaviour that had me feeling lost and abandoned
Urgh. ack, %$^%^$#$@!@$#&. mind melt.
ok ...
The 10% thats is important ---------->
thats your feeling. He made a logical comment. He did not say he could care less. YOU interpreted it that way.
Haps/womens filters What did he mean by that? Why did he say that?
It was funny to most around this forum when I first came to this board and was throwing out my cleverly worded comments, that got the ladies all in a lather, getting lots of this reaction. Just so I could point it out and deconstruct it.
Its not so funny anymore. when its IRL and the other person is your SO and the insecurities are colliding.
I said when I first posted my sitch that I did and said something that, to quote you, instead of me "cut her dead." This is a example of the thing I said Different preceeding circumstances.
On top of the already tenuous EC because of my blocking her out for the reasons I posted previously. What I said was correct. It was true. It made her feel untrusted, uncherished, and unprotected.
I wasnt there to translate though. So OM helped her translate.
Guys, she IS going to translate what you say. So when you say something make her 'feel'. Make her feel protected, special, possesesd. Yes I said that word. Im even really going to go out there and say. Enforce her boundaries for her. Yep she might act pissed, b!tch, moan, etc. Its a test. are you a man or her girlfriend? IF she is fighting with you thats good. IF You ignore her some OM wont. and thats exactly what making a logical comment to a woman will make her feel. ignored.
Your an exception. SHH. <snicker> )
<--- not anymore. 
