I recommend a B-complex vitamin, and lots of water. Better to drink it before you go to sleep, but if you cant remember that almost snogging is for you H only, sheesh, cant expect to remember to take that silly hangover cure either.
Hap you asked about why I cut off EC to my wife. It was not quite as simple as this.
She nagged at me. She wouldnt give me space, she kept focusing on what was wrong instead of right, she kept picking at an insecurity that with some TIME and PATIENCE would have been set right, and the last straw was she responded to OM assertive initiation during a party. Nothing that would seem that big. But I know attraction.
she didnt even respond to him. She told me about it. but I could clearly see that it had a profound effect on her. In retrospect I have no doubt that she was looking for some reaction from me. So what was my reaction when she told me?
" mmm thats nice."
Why was she telling me? trying to juice me? get a reaction? make me jealous?--- BF dont play that. Did she expect me to do something about it?
NMJ- NOT my job. (former thought patterns. have since adjusted. A little. ) its her heart, her actions/reactions. She is responsible for them. If she wants to be with me, she knows--or should (hahaha, lmao, should-- I said should)how she is supposed to behave. Its her heart to take-put where she wants. I didnt quite get the switch that you are supposed to make when you go from dating that disallows jealous,needy, stalker type but in a LTR cherishing protecting is required.
Oops. next time hopefully.
She she stepped on that boundary again. He did his thing, she came looking for a reaction. Nothing. (x:'Maybe BF didnt see it the frist time'. Very insulting. ) Again. Still No reaction. Bang bang bang her head on the wall. then after much bawling, and struggles at reconnecting/ (wasnt gonna happen by the way. not rewarding nagging, negativity/inability to see the positive, or needy, insecure looking for validation outside the M.) she said 'F it'. BF doesnt care about me. OM does. Understandable. her perspective. she is entitled to it.
The beginning years of our R when I was a bartender I didnt come home from work and tell her about the girls flinging themselves at me the night before. I didnt expect or need her to do anything about it.
MY job, to keep my heart, my reactions, my pants on. There is NOTHING she could have done if I chose to take them off. I didnt keep them on because I was infatuated with her. I wasnt faithful, because she was taking care of all of my needs. It was my choice. I may not be able to control my attraction to OW, but I sure am responsible for my actions. The next day when we would sit at the table and count my tips, she would always pick the phone numbers, and sappy drunk notes out of the bucket and want to read them. I'd tell her to quit, I dont want to hear them. Throw them away. Its not how I met her so it wasnt like it was a threat.
Anyways. There is one mans perspective. Id say your H cares. he even said
'Oi. Thats MY WIFE'. notice the possesive phrasing.
I’m glad you said that because I was beginning to feel like you couldn’t care less, like the only reason you were cross with me was because of the embarrassment
Im not saying it was wrong, but that was your feeling. your thinking he doesnt care about me, instead of thinking damn when my H had an affair, it really Fing hurt. He is probably really hurt that I was making out with another guy.
So let me get this straight. You, as a responsible, self accountable adult, who was half of the almost snogging equation, wanted your H to slug his friend C? Why would slugging C have made you Feel better? Would you have felt better if he slugged you? Are you not both equally accountable.
Ok ok. Ill stop. I understand your feeling. I get it. Im a guy though and I still dong like the Illogic of it. Ill get over it.
He then said that he found it difficult to be loving when all I ever do is try to have power over him (that power thing again!)
There is another lady, heatherg, struggling with this same thing. Your H is telling you what he needs, very UNclearly.
So Im going to stop picking on you now, at least for a bit, and try to just offer you some proactive things to try. Here is a good way to judge what you are doing. ask yourself. Am I respectful, Am I honoring. Yes its that easy. Takes lots of practice though. Is your inner voice positive, hopeful, appreciative, admiring of H? Or the opposite. What do you think of his recent business success? What have you communicated (not said) to him about it?
frankly from what I see you post here, its not positive. I do know this place is a good/necessary place to vent. Hopefully you and the ladies hear are encouraging each other, instead of comisserating. Well at least tooo much. I cant tell you if your inner voice should be positive, or not, but if you want a better M it has to be What you think/ focus on, is what you will say, do, and vibe.
