Hope you had a good weekend. Let me tell about mine. On Saturday we went to a 40th Birthday party. The guy who’s birthday it was is a good friend of H’s and was best man at our wedding. So we were looking forward to enjoying ourselves at the party. We got to the hotel early so we had a little time to kill and I hinted at what I fancied doing in a hotel bedroom with time to kill. H took the hint! We had a good time. I said afterwards that it was a shame we didn’t do it more often. He said it was a shame he didn’t have the same amount of energy in the evening as he does in the afternoon. We showered, got dressed up and went to the party both in a good mood. I looked stunning -though I say it myself - and H scrubbed up pretty well too. The party was a meal at a very expensive and very fabulous restaurant. There were about 16 of us round the table and a seating plan had been made so that we weren’t sitting next to our partners. We had a private dining room set aside for us. It was an eight course meal (where's the slaver icon!) with an awful lot of very delicious wine to wash it down with. So you can imagine that we were all pretty drunk by the end! I don’t remember much after the cheese course. However I do vaguely remember getting slightly amorous with one of the other guests. Oh the shame. I don’t think anything too serious happened - I don’t think I even snogged him.(Snog=french-kiss just in case you're wondering). I just had my arms round his neck and he had his arms round my waist and I think if H hadn’t showed up at that point we may have ended up snogging. I can’t really remember what H said, just something like, oi that’s my wife. Anyway I woke up in the hotel this morning feeling mighty ill and not remembering how I’d got there. I groaned about not remembering anything after the cheese course. H said *probably just as well - you behaved very badly* the inkling of memory surfaced but I didn’t say anything. After a pause I said *what bad thing did I do?* So H told me that he’d found me carrying on with C. *C?!?* I said *Oh my God! I’m so sorry I really didn’t have a clue what I was doing* H’s reply was that he felt humiliated and that if I was going to go around doing things like that at parties could I kindly make sure it was parties he wasn’t at. I apologised again, I made no excuses, I just said I’m really sorry that was an awful thing to do. H got up and said he was going down to breakfast. When he left I started to cry, I realised that he had not seemed angry with C and that all he seemed to care about was that I shouldn’t do that sort of thing IN FRONT OF HIM. I also realised that during this LD desert he has pretty much stopped making complimentary remarks about my appearance, and that I particularly missed him doing that last night because in a situation like that he normally would. Part of the sex starvation, as many of the HD people on this board are experiencing, is the lack of any type of sexual behaviour from the partner. Minimal things such as affectionate touch and little comments like *you're gorgeous* can go some way to make us feel better about the lack of actual sex. I’m not complaining just about lack of sex it is the lack of any feeling of desire coming from H that really upsets me. Even though we ML the night before it was still me initiating - and he was pretty slow to pick up my hints.
I digress. I went down and joined H for breakfast and he seemed relaxed and not angry with me. We went back to the room. He then started to talk about the other idiotic things that the guys got up to once they were back at the hotel and then mentioned that he had wanted to punch C. I said *I’m glad you said that because I was beginning to feel like you couldn’t care less, like the only reason you were cross with me was because of the embarrassment* He immediately got very annoyed with me and started shouting that I was so selfish I even managed to make THIS into his fault. I said I wasn’t making it his fault, that I was sorry for what I had done and that it was nobody’s fault but my own. What I was talking about was not what I had done, but about his reaction to what I had done, and how it seemed to fit into a pattern of his behaviour in the last few months. He still kept shouting at me that I had no right to talk to him that way, that I should just be apologetic and try to make it up to him, that I was diverting away from what I had done and just trying to make him look at fault. I again repeated that I was sorry and that I wasn’t diverting attention just that the incident and his reaction to it had clarified something that I had been struggling with, the general sense of him not really caring for me anymore. He then said that he found it difficult to be loving when all I ever do is try to have power over him (that power thing again!). He went away for a cigarette and I sat and thought about it. When he came back I said, if I seem to you like I want power it might be because I’m scared. I’m scared of getting older and less attractive, I’m scared that my earning power has been cut drastically by staying home with the kids for 6 years. You are the one with the power, you could walk away and see just as much of the kids as you do now. He then said *well why do you think I don’t*. I said *I don’t know - because of the kids?*. He said *because I do love you*. I said well I love you, and if you love someone you should let them go, I should have let you go 3 years ago instead of kidding myself. He gave me a hug then, and I said *I was looking at you at the party and thinking how handsome you looked, and that you were the best looking guy there* (which is true I was). He said *it’s sweet of you to say so* After a while he finally said I was the prettiest girl there (but this is something he would normally have said without any prompting - LOL).
He ended up saying that he forgave me. I did NOT say *I should darn well think so, I forgave you for a full-on affair*
I felt glad about the way things had gone in the end. There was a lot more said but I can't remember it all. Because I was so ill I felt different and seem to be able to argue in a calmer kind of way - maybe because I felt like dying anyway I wasn’t feeling too risk-averse to be honest for a change - LOL
Fran (feeling a little less ill)
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
I said afterwards that it was a shame we didn’t do it more often. He said it was a shame he didn’t have the same amount of energy in the evening as he does in the afternoon.
