Hi Cobra,
Thanks for your interesting response. It really is so helpful to get a guy's point of view. I didn't actually send the e-mail in the end as I had to leave work and go get the kids and I wanted to get feedback here before I sent it anyway.

I think I see what you mean about power, he feels powerless in other areas of his life not necessarily the M. It fits with his general tactic of using me as a whipping boy. I also do understand what you mean about being more empathetc to his point of view. I thought about this some the next day, because H is a worrier and I am not, I find it hard to imagine that he might be worried about something. Often we have got into arguments because he is feeling pressured about something and I don't actually understand that he is feeling pressured about it. I don't understand that because in his shoes I wouldn't feel worried - I have to really stop and think *yes but if I were a worrier maybe this situation would be making me tense*.

I think you are right, I think the money in the business account is a security blanket and he does not want anyone messing with that. I will keep my mouth shut about it and just keeping letting him know that I think he is doing great (which he is ). I always knew he could make it if he just struck out on his own but he has been very nervous to try, so I have to try and remember that someone who has taken this long to do something that others thought would be so easy for him is bound still to be worried about it. The thing is he is a VERY talented software professional, and I should know I have managed a fair few of these guys in my time, he does have faith in his talents but he still seems to feel as if he has more to prove. I've just got to stop thinking he is WRONG to feel that way and realise that he does feel that way - full-stop (or should I say period).

Thanks Cobra


Fran

if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong