Cobra,

You are right. He is very N. I have read up on it and he fits the bill about 80%

I also think I fit it to some extent. In fact reading up on Narcissism I initially wanted him to read the same books and then thought better of it because he would just read into it what he wanted to see, i.e. pick out the stuff that looked more lack me

Mind you I have read that if you recogise your own Narcissistic traits then you are not N - whatever. After a while it started to make my head spin.

I think he is not likely to leave the marriage. He knows no one else will put up with his crap. He has trapped himself into this mess and he subconsciously knows it, which is also part of his anger.

Oh yes! And of course that is also Narcissistic as the N cannot blame themselves.

I quick word on your Feminism thread Cobra, which appears to have locked up.

I spent some time (several hours!) reading my way through it and chortling. Very funny indeed. Especially the part where you and NOPkins squared up to each other

I don't think feminism has turned women into entitlement monsters. What I think is that in the Good Old Days men and women had a certain set of expectations of each other. Those expectations were pretty clear and each side knew what they were supposed to do to meet them. In other words HUSBAND and WIFE were very clear job descriptions. What feminism did (and remember feminism is a movement that has been going on for at least 500 hundred years of recorded history - it has only been since the pill that it has been practical to adopt some of the agenda) - what feminism did was plonk a whole new set of expectations in both women and men's laps. However the old ones did not just disappear overnight. So now we're all entitlement monsters WOMAN wants man to treat her equally, respect her intellect, be a considerate lover, help with the housework AND be a provider and protector. MAN wants woman to earn some hard cash and be available for sex whenever he wants it AND be a nurturer and helpmeet. What makes all this even MORE confusing is that many of us had perfectly equitable "androgynous" fin-de-siecle relationships to begin with, then thanks - again - to the pill after several years, or whenever we felt like it children, came into the picture and suddently without warning we found ourselves back in the 50s

take care

Fran

if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs
Erica Jong