This is a good start. For many years I did some things that my W internalized rather than let me know they bothered her. Some were perfectly innocent in my eyes, just a difference of personality styles (I am brash and aggressive, she is demur and passive). Some, I am ashamed to say, were not so innocent but were mind games of control. If she had called me out on it early I would have adjusted and we wouldn't be wading through 15 years of resentment now. The earlier you set the rules the better off everyone is. Just make sure you are controlled, calm, and firm when you discuss how the rules have changed. Doing it during an argument will have limited effect.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
