Hi all. I have been debating on whether I wanted to post this but have decided I really need some inspiration, if anyone can spare any. After the last post I made, I went out with that OM, and my H was texting me all night, he went by himself to a bar down the block from my house to watch his friend's band play and wait for me to come home cuz I told him I would call him. We met up and ML, I also flipped out on him a bit (had been drinking) and for the first time ever I showed him how hurt I am by OW. He was all over me, he loves me, she means nothing, just a way to ease the pain, they have no connection like "we" do, etc. He basically just told me we were getting back together and I lost all strength by that point and took him back. He left OW, told her he was back with me, and we spent every night together after that until this past Tuesday, so that was like 12 days. Now he is gone again. Back to OW. I texted him "Do you love her?" and he said "yes." "Do you love me?" "Yes but it is differant now, I am not the same person anymore." I am so torn up now. He had been SOOOO lovey and affectionate the whole time, we got along great and the sex was incredible, as always. He is obviously in a depression of some kind though. Last Saturday we went to his cousin's wedding, which he was supposed to bring OW to, and we had a great time, danced all night and he had the DJ play our wedding song, along with a song that I have always complained that the DJ played while I was in the bathroom at our wedding (I had really wanted to hear it, the Summer Nights duet from Grease, everyone sang it together but I missed it and always teased him about not waiting for me) so he had them play it and I thought that was so sweet. He was also singing "You're the one that I want" and "Let's Stay Together" to me. Told his whole family we are gonna renew our vows in Ireland next year. Two days later he started acting funny and calling OW again. When I called him on it, and I HAD to, I couldn't live with that sick feeling of knowing the tables had turned yet again and he was gonna leave - I have gotten so used to the cycle, it is scary. I told my close friends Tuesday during the day something was wrong and he left that night. Now last night, OW texts me. She would like to talk. I told her ok, 9PM. Then at 8PM when H called to say goodnite to D4, he basically asked me to lie to OW, because he told her he slept on the couch while we were together and he "really likes" her and doesn't want to "f*ck things up" I could hardly believe how cruel that request was. When I called him on all the things he said to me while we were together he basically made it seem like he was just trying to be a family and spend more time with D4. But that doesn't seem true to me, he is all about ML to me and wanting to go out at night with me. Last Friday we went to a club and danced all night. He was all over me. I don't get it. I told him he needs help and that I think he just keps going back and forth btw me and OW to try to find happiness but that he is hurting inside and needs to deal with that before he can ever be happy with either one of us. I told him he needs therapy or something. I know I shouldn't but I am just worried about him. His actions are not normal. How can he go from on eextreme to the next? And can anyone advise me on what my next move should be? I kinda have always felt like once I reject him and he finds himself without me when he wants me, that will be the only way he might face the problems in his head and heart and try to get help. But yet I can never seem to turn him away, I love him so much. Please, if anyone has any words of wisdom, I would so appreciate them. I feel like such a fool, yet I really believe that he FELT all of those things at the time that he said them. Why would someone purposely create this kind of pain and drama in their own life? He threw OW out the window, and then threw me out and pulled her back in. Very drastic moves. Very impulsive. Scary. OH and also, I agreed to not tell OW anything, I hate lying though and he knows that, so he suggested I just not say anything at all, just not talk to her and I told him ok. Honestly, it may sound silly, but I would rather NOT be the one to break them up. Their R is based on lies and cheating, and he has so many intense feelings about me left, that they are doomed anyway. I would rather they break up on their own than have him blame me. Because then she will become the idealized "one that got away" and I will become the b*tch that broke them up. I would rather him be stuck with that miserable OW (who he has already been totally disgusted with many times in only 4 months) and let him idealize ME, the wonderful wife who didn't rat him out or try control his life by wrecking his R with OW. Make any sense? Or am I am idiot? I hope not cuz it sure would have felt good to tell her EVERYTHING. I figure now that she will be SO insanely jealous and insecure when it comes to me that she will drive him NUTS. Good. Thanks in advance for any advice you guys might have!!
